Metaphysical Memoirs: The Beginning

I’m a California Girl. My birth certificate says I was born at Kaiser Foundation Hospital in Fontana, California. My mom was a teacher and my dad worked at Kaiser steel mill. We had an upper middle class home with a pool and, like many hip ’70s houses, a game room with a bar.

I don’t remember any of it though because when I was still a toddler my family moved to Texas, under unique circumstances.

Apparently, my dad had a side hustle as a bookie, a guy who takes bets on horse races or sports. And while I was never told the details, my mom said it was a situation where we had to leave abruptly. So we went from California Dreamin’ to a rented trailer by Leon Creek on the southside of San Antonio, Texas.

I say I don’t remember our place in California but I’m 100% certain it imprinted on my subconscious mind because my favorite thing to do growing up was to play with my Malibu Barbie. She had the modern two-story dream home, the swimming pool, the Corvette, and the Barbie Friend Ship — her private plane.

I would completely lose myself in my make-believe world of Malibu Barbie.

One day, it was a particularly hot summer day and we had no air conditioning in our trailer. I’m sitting in my tiny room on the cheap dark brown carpet putting my Barbie in a bathing suit so she could cool off. Ken and Skipper are already at the pool waiting for her because, you know, she takes her time picking out which suit she wants to wear…

And my dad yells out from the living room, “Colette, come change the channel!”.

So I get up and walk down the hall into the smoke-filled room where my dad is sitting in his recliner 10 feet from the tv chain smoking Salem Menthols. Feeling my core temperature getting even hotter and frustrated that this is my life, I bite my tongue and start turning the knob until he says “leave it there”.

I walked back down the hall with a clenched jaw, holding my breath to avoid choking on the smoke…and for the first time (I can remember) I felt really angry and trapped.

As the tears started to mix with the sweat on my cheeks, I thought to myself “I don’t belong here! I will never live like this when I’m a grown up!”

When I got back to my room I plopped down on the floor, tears streaming from my eyes, wishing I could just be someplace else. The sense of powerlessness consumed me.

But before long, I started breathing again and looked around at my Malibu Barbie world, that’s when a cool breeze of hope came over me.

I thought, “I can make this dream world my real life.”

For the next 40 years, I oscillated between the two worlds.

You see, I got the corvette, the house, a couple ‘Kens’ and the Malibu Barbie looks. But with every expanding level of outward success, internally I never made it out of the trailer.

I couldn’t shake the subtle feeling of being an outsider playing dress up to fit into someone else’s world.

So I would either sabotage my success, finding my way back to the bottom, or not trust my wonderful situation and start looking for something different, leaving people who love me behind.

It took the total destruction of my hard-won identity as a best-selling author and “successful owner” of my business, Badass Empath, and my home, the Bentwood Bungalow, for me to realize that no matter what I have or don’t have, if I wanted to truly be free I must heal the broken heart of the little girl crying on the cheap brown carpet.

Through a series of events I now know were divinely orchestrated, I shuddered my coaching business and sold my beloved home. Which, at the time, felt like rock bottom. The ultimate failure.

I literally thought I might have to move back into my mom’s trailer where I grew up.

But as God would have it, everything (and more) came to me when I let go.

Admittedly, it wasn’t easy. I fought right up until the very last breath. I gave everything I had and more to make it work. When I finally accepted what I thought was defeat, it instantly opened up something in me — a new world.

I was not only immediately at peace, I somehow knew I was about to experience real magic, miracles even.

One magnificent manifestation after the next came to me. First was the new house, just 5 doors down from the one I sold. Next was the cash, over a half a million dollars, to be exact. And for the first time in my life, I had the time, the energy, and the resources to design my ideal living and work spaces. Similarly, I also had the time and resources to put toward healing my body and getting fitter than I’ve ever been.

Then came the custom Range Rover. Remind me to tell you that story if we ever meet up. Right before that was the overwhelmingly successful first “Metaphysical Makeover”, the new ultra-VIP experience I created for my spiritual and distinguished clients who want true freedom and happiness but don’t trust the hype of mainstream methods.

As a result of going all-in on my soul’s mission, the new business was born.

After many months of patiently showing up to be guided, Divinity & Co. came forth with absolute alignment and grace. This manifestation was precipitated by my enrollment in a Phd program because I was specifically shown, to truly lead at this level I must master metaphysics and be able to teach it to others.

There are two other love related manifestations I will reserve for another time, as I suspect they are a whole story unto themselves. For now I will say, I am being showered with the affection and attention I wished for (and journaled about) a few months ago.

That just about brings us full circle. But first, full transparency.

I’ve invested a shitload over the last year and a half. Over $100k. And I took an 8 month sabbatical from client work. Plus I paid off a bunch of debt I had previously acquired. So while I had been living my best life, my financial resources hadn’t been growing at the same rate as I was during that time.

Confronted with a lower-than-I’d-like bank balance, the nightmare of bottoming out again grabbed me by the throat. I woke up in the middle of the night sweating and choking and had a flashback to being 8 years old. I started crying, afraid and angry at myself.

So when I blurted out, “I don’t belong here!” the world stopped for a split second and I realized that I manifested that incredibly uncomfortable situation to bring me to this exact moment so I could heal the broken hearted little girl suffering in silence on the cheap brown carpet.

I was acutely aware that even with all my manifestations, I was still on some level, identifying as the girl who grew up in the trailer.

Wide awake now, I also recognized that in order to be who I was born to be — magical, powerful, and free — I needed to fully embody my divinity. No more fucking around. No more fluctuating between fear and faith.

I knew it was time to give my whole being, body, mind and soul, over to the spiritual singularity that I believe in and teach.

Only this time, instead of surrendering my will to God/The Infinite, I surrendered the belief, ‘I am not Infinite’.

Eventually, I fell back asleep soothing myself by saying over and over, “I am Infinite. I am one with God.”

The next morning as I sat in my emerald velvet chair and gave up all intellectual resistance to the truth of who I am, an image in my mind’s eye formed. I was sitting next to sweaty, crumpled little Colette on the floor of my tiny bedroom surrounded by Barbie stuff. I felt her pain, her powerlessness, her anguish around not being able to say or do anything about her life.

And I let her know that even in that place, she was free and completely loved.

Patiently, I transmitted this truth to her until she felt it. I watched as the feelings of peace and hope in her heart became a thought in her mind. I watched as she wiped her tears away and looked around at all the Barbie stuff. I saw her (me) receive the transmission as her intuition.

I watched her recognize she could create her reality.

That’s when I realized this was my Higher Self doing the same exact thing for me…now. Even writing this to share with you brings me to tears again, in absolute awe of the magic and power of my Higher Self, or rather, the ‘me’ that is God’s Infinite Being.

The full circle moment was the recognition that I have always been and will always be magical, powerful, and free — no matter the circumstances. I also accepted the truth of who I am once and for all.

The next thought I had was, “Ok. Since I am one with God’s Infinite Being, who do I want to be in this dream world?”

And I’m not kidding, it was like the eight year old me and the forty-eight year old me said at the same time…

THE MALIBU METAPHYSICIAN!!!

I laughed out loud and felt some kind of magical-wish-granted type of permission come over me so I said, “OK!” and immediately my mind said, “you can’t say that, you don’t live in Malibu!” to which I replied, “I am Infinite, this is my dream and my world, and it’s just beginning. Stay tuned!”

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