Great contexts for meeting new people

Elements an encounter needs to foster real human connection.

Have you ever met someone the first time, and didn’t really gel, then hit it off the second time you met, or later still?

A good friend of mine loves to tell me what an arse she thought I was the first time we met!

Recall what you thought of your good friends after your first encounter — I’m sure there are some amongst them you weren’t sure about to start with, or simply didn’t have much of a sense of.

The reality is that even when you could get on well with someone, it doesn’t always happen. And there are lots of reasons for this:

• You meet at an event where it isn’t possible to talk, e.g. a trip to the theatre.
• You meet at an event where talking to people you don’t know feels wrong or difficult.
• You meet at an event where the activity doesn’t help start a good conversation with strangers.
• Neither of you are great at small talk, except when talking about your passions, which tend not to come up.
• You have your friends and they have theirs there, and it feels like there’s a social group barrier.
• They say something that annoys you early on (even our friends annoy us sometimes!), and you judge them badly for it. Or vice versa!
• They’re not in the right frame of mind to chat to a stranger — maybe they had a bad day. Or you’re not in the right frame of mind!

plus many others.

So, while Zojul aims to bring you together with people you’re suited to, there’s still a bit more that needs to be done to give those encounters the best chance of actually leading to meaningful connections, i.e. you hitting it off. Here’s the list of ingredients we think are important in creating a great space for forging meaningful connections:

• An activity—having something to do, like playing a game or going for a walk, lends the event purpose, and helps foster conversation. It’s important that the activity is one that allows people to talk, though.
• A structure — introductions at the start, a quick explanation of how the event works, and a clear end before things taper off (people can always stick around) all help to put people at ease, and let them know they can leave if they want.
• Familiarity — if people know and are used to an event format, they’ll feel that much more comfortable at the event, even if they don’t know the people. So keeping an activity and structure the same across multiple events really helps.
• No awkwardness — periods of silence and not knowing what to do or say makes people feel uncomfortable, and not want to be there. Having conversation fallbacks, created by the activity, event convention (e.g. “Talk about your hopes.”), or even little question cards, makes all the difference.
• No cliques — people shouldn’t feel more able to talk to some people than others; even if there are groups who know each other, they should be open and welcoming to others.
• A good noise level — quiet enough for people to hear each other talk easily, but with a bit of background noise.
• Good lighting — nothing too dark and dingy; the event needs to feel open, not secretive or seedy.
• A supportive, non-judgemental vibe — In a great TED talk, Brené Brown explains that the key to forming meaningful connections is to be yourself, even, or rather especially, when that makes you feel vulnerable; a bond is formed when the other person is accepting and shows understanding. So a space in which people feel safe being themselves, without fear of negative judgements, is vital.

At Zojul we encourage our members to arrange events that incorporate these elements, and work hard to create an open, welcoming feel to the platform, through our communication, our mission, and our values.

If you’d like to meet new people in a great context for forging meaningful connections, join the Zojul community today!