The bridge of TRUST…
All of us have felt betrayed at some point in our lives by a close one be it a partner, friend, colleague, child, parent, sibling etc. We are all familiar with the painful ‘sting’ in the heart that betrayal causes. Is there a soothing balm for the unbearable sting? Or is there a preventive tablet to avoid being betrayed? If they were available we would all jump up and pick up one for ourselves and treasure it.But alas ! it sounds like the most difficult thing to do — to build the bridge of trust.
In most intimate relationships the word trust is dubious.When we say ‘ I trust you truly’, it usually means ‘ I expect you to be the way I want you to be and hope that you will live up to my expectations.’ Though the statement may trigger mixed reactions amongst us, not many will be able to deny its truth.
The other issue with trust is to ‘become trustworthy’ which usually translates as ‘ trying hard to prove ourselves in front of the other to earn their trust’ or ‘they will continue to trust me only if I live upto their expectations constantly’. Since expecting from others or trying to live upto other’s expectations are both guaranteed to fail, betrayal is inevitable.
I say this because we are all evolving and changing constantly in our thinking, beliefs, experiences and memories and hence our actions change too. So if I promised something to someone 10 years ago because I believed in it, it is quite possible that I no longer believe in it but still continue to do it only because of the commitment I made. Or it is possible i just stop doing it as my belief about it has changed and it does not hold importance anymore.
Change is an inevitable part of life and needs to be acknowledged from time to time. All attempts to suppress the change that wishes to manifest in us only leads to more fear and frustration.
So if betrayal is inevitable, what happens to our relationships? Just sharing a few insights :
Trust comes naturally to all of us, It is bridge that connects us on a level deeper than name and form hence trust can never be broken.
Trust is always for the being and never for what they do (doing). The doing is always bound to change.
Relationships are not just meant to fulfill our needs rather they are a symbol of synergy and union where individuals express themselves fully.
It’s time we take our relationships to the next level as humanity is collectively evolving. Two or more people come together in any relationship to express their uniqueness and spread that beautiful collective energy into the world through their interactions (energy exchange). This is not to deny the fact that we have our emotional needs which we seek to fulfill through intimate relationships, however a relationship that thrives only because it is able to meet the needs (be it physical or emotional or spiritual) of the people involved, is bound to fail. Because beyond a certain point no relationship can continue to fulfill our needs in the same way they once did. Our needs continue to change and the way we seek to fulfill them also keep changing. We also outgrow some needs and have new ones from time to time. Of course in every relationship to a certain extent our needs are met but that is a by product of the much more powerful energy of togetherness.
It is worth shifting the focus of our relationships to what really matters — i.e.‘Togetherness’. It is ultimately the energy of togetherness and union that matters the most because it is only through collective energy that something beautiful manifests through our relationships in the world.
For instance in a husband wife / romantic relationships the two people are not just together because they need each other. It may seem so, but the reason we are together is much deeper than what we can see. The universe has brought the two people together for a reason, to facilitate their creative energies to manifest collectively and benefit not just themselves but also the world. Any relationship involves a lot of ego hitting, personal transformation and empowerment of the self & others and this happens through the energy of togetherness.
What happens when two partners in a relationship no longer share common interests and thoughts? Do they break up? Do they pull on trying to ‘patch up’ a ‘difficult’ relationship? Do they ‘stick together’ for the sake of their children? Well, there are no right answers. It is about doing what makes us feel alive.Also attempting to answer these questions may only trigger more questions, however it is about a shift in the consciousness that will give us the answers to these eternal queries of the mind.
As long as the focus is on the ‘togetherness’ and as long as we are aware of the beautiful things that we can do by being together and are able to value and deeply respect them, our differences do not matter. The relationship may change over time if needed but the bond remains eternal. The trust is unbroken. Even if partners have to separate or the child decides to stay on his own away from parents (and they may have justified reasons), the bond of companionship, togetherness can continue to blossom. In other cases it might just be that mutual differences just dissolve over time as the people focus more on staying connected and evolve together.
At times we say ‘ You betrayed me last time but I gave you another chance & you did it again’. Who are we to give a chance to someone else to transform? Is this really trust? The very seed in this sort of a chemistry is mistrust. There is constant fear & insecurity in the relationship making it totally worthless. It is simply a choice we make to continue to stay on with someone even when they do not seem to meet our expectations (of loyalty) and most of the times we do it only because we need them too or we are overwhelmed by the craving that we feel for them.
Trust is about giving space to each other and to ourselves. It is about allowing the authentic self to emerge, express fully and then mutually make a decision. It is about upholding respect for the being and also at the same time being aware of the ‘hurt’ & ‘pain’ we are going through. At times it is about trusting the drama of life completely, being present & connected with our deepest self and from that place allowing an action to emerge rather than ‘reacting emotionally’.
All said and done, the fact still remains that as humans we all need to belong and need to love and be loved. So why not enjoy & appreciate the beautiful people in our lives that have been gifted to us and embrace the energy of togetherness.
