The Goal of the Moment: Effective Ways to Battle Depression
Depression is a daily fight, but it’s winnable one. Here are a few effective ways I’ve found to battle depression and work toward our goals. Any goal For the future. For the year. For the day. And sometimes, just for the moment is a goal enough.
Ask: “Why Not?”
Being in a depressive state never truly asks, or answers, ‘Why not?’”
Have an internal conversation with yourself. When you feel your depression is keeping you from being productive or doing something you want or need to do, ask yourself in that moment: “Why not?” “Why not do it?”
If depression’s answer is: “because my life has no purpose right now; things are terrible; I’m terrible, etc.,” that still doesn’t answer the question. Because if everything is terrible, and you have no control over anything, then even if you get up and do something, according to depressed you, it shouldn’t matter either way right?
This becomes circular. If my day, life, is hopeless anyway, why do it? But the other half now is: ‘why not do it.’
Sure, sometimes, the former can still win, but the difference is now you have to make a choice. And that’s different than running on the default state of “no.” Every day, when you wake up, now you will have to choose. Even if that choice leads to a small action.
There’s a saying: “every day, you make the bed.” Every day you take the small action of showing effort to your life in this world. And if that’s all you can do that day, that’s success in itself.
Also, for me, one gear turns the other. A cleaner home leads to me feeling more centered, a decluttered space leads to a to a decluttered mind, which can lead to music, writing, and exercise. You don’t always know what one small act can do for your mood.
Something’s Always Gonna Go Wrong
This is one of the most important lessons I received from regular therapy.
Even terrible days can have something go right, as opposed to nothing. And otherwise good days can have shitty things happen, as opposed to being perfect.
Even in Game 6 of the 2009 World Series where Matsui had six RBIs and won the World Series MVP against the Phillies, he struck out in his last at bat on a terrible pitch in the damn sand. But no one remembers that. They remember the rest of the accolades, the positive impact he had on the championship.
But some days aren’t championship days with an errand moment.
But even on the worst day, if something’s always gonna go wrong, why not make something go right?
On April 13, 2009, the Rays beat the Yankees 15–5. But as a fan, in the long run, that never mattered. What mattered is that, Nick Swisher, who is not a pitcher, struck out Gabe Kapler who is a professional hitter, and six months later the Yankees would win it all.
Six months later a daily defeat was barely in the periphery — along with a few laughs at misfortune.
To quote the film Boyz n the Hood: “Take a deep breath, it’s just a bad day, not a bad life.”
And to quote my mom: “you gotta focus on the little things, the little good things; and what you focus on will expand.”
Every day is improv — make it ‘yes and.’ Yes, this went wrong, and yes this went right. Yes, I didn’t get to this, and yeah I can get to that. Yes, there is pain, and yes, next, there can be healing.
Have a ‘Break in Case of Melancholy’
I have to give credit to my friend Patrick Mackendy-Mede, editor, writer, and founder of the writers collective “Write Nite” for this phrase and actionable idea.
Keep things that help close and visible.
One day during a “Write Nite” Patrick said, “instead of just writing today, I want you to draw something like an emergency fire kit on a wall, but instead of ‘break in case of fire,’ it will be ‘break in case of melancholy.’ Put things that you know, as a damn fact, have helped bring you up when you are down in that box.”
Sometimes feelings are hard to reason with, and they need more than just a few words.
But the thing about feelings and emotions is that it doesn’t take a whole thesis statement to turn them around. For me it can be food, my cat, baseball, music, comedy, friends/family’s company, or a romantic partner’s affection.
We’re all going to have different things in that ‘box.’ As I see it, we all have five senses; try something you love within all of them. Taste something, smell something, touch something, listen to something, watch something.
As my Profe always said “just looking out the window in the morning for five minutes can lift you a bit.”
Whatever it is for you, keep it accessible. It can help to draw it out and hang it somewhere, so you won’t forget.
If even after all those senses you don’t feel the least bit better about your day, you at least tried. And you still created something new: an association.
‘Not feeling like it’ = ‘Break the box’
Eventually, all the box breaking and “why nots” I believe will get you up and eventually remembering simply why you, other people, and certain places and things matter.
But the main takeaway from all this isn’t the road to happiness. It’s better living, as in living out that verb. Happiness will never be an all-encompassing constant state. But you can certainly work to make it show up more often than a depressive one.
Because opposite of depression was never happiness. The opposite of depression is vitality.
