Letters to Bird
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Letters to Bird

This is an email from Bee's Newsletter, a newsletter by Letters to Bird.

Life After A Breakup

Issue 2

Hey friend,

First off, I want to sincerely apologize for how late this issue of the newsletter is. My life has been hectic and it’s been difficult to keep up with the pace it’s been going, which has made it hard to find time to sit down and write this.

I have also been struggling with anxiety and depression which has sapped my drive and motivation to do the things that I love. It’s been hard to not fall down the rabbit hole, but this time of year is kind of difficult for me.

December/January always takes me back to the struggles that I’m having with my breakup and finding love. Maybe it’s because as the old year rolls out and the new one rolls in I have to acknowledge the fact that my life still isn’t where I wanted to exactly be.

Life after a breakup is never easy, no matter how long it’s been or how long you were together. When you end it with someone you may be left with a lot of questions, and the longer you were with them the more questions you will probably have, but the most common one is, “Where do I go from here?”

Unfortunately, time doesn’t always make it easier to get an answer. Sometimes the biggest, longest-lasting struggle after ending a relationship is trying to figure out where to go next.

In 2008, Gabriel Snyder interviewed Ryan Philippe after his divorce from Reese Witherspoon in an article titled “Ryan Philippe, Soldiering On”. Ryan describes his divorce as “the darkest, saddest place [he] had ever been.” The aftermath of your breakup may have left you completely devastated, and when you’re in the pits like that it can be hard to say when, and quite frankly if you’ll ever pull out from it.

You might agree with what he says next: “It was a struggle—there were a good four or five months of not being able to get out of bed. It was the worst time in my life.” Calling it quits on your relationship, for any reason, can leave your heart feeling broken and bruised. The type of pain that heartache causes is agonizing and debilitating. Not only are you left with emotional wounds, but you have to contend with the insecurities that come along with it. The doubts, the questions, the anxieties that consume your mind to the point of almost driving you mad. It may feel like it will never end.

In a more optimistic tone, he says “you get through it. It’s a process that’s not easy, but [you] get less and less sad about it every day.” As hard as it may seem, Ryan is right. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You may not see it now, but in the aftermath, you will. The reassuring thing to remember is you’re not alone. Even if you feel like you are, there are people you can talk to. I promise. And after considering all your options if you still feel like you have no one to turn to you can always reach out to me.

One of the best remedies to soothing a broken heart I find is to listen to music, especially songs that remind you of the better times to come. I’m loving listening to Changes Are Coming by Daughtry. The song reminds us that we shouldn’t stop fighting because better days are ahead. You shouldn’t give up or give in. They’re so much to look forward to. Don’t let the dark thoughts in your head tell you otherwise.

Looking back on your breakup may not be something you’re able to do right now, especially if it was recent, and that’s okay. Patience will reveal everything in due time. All the questions may not be answered, however, but don’t fret about that, because in the end what’s supposed to make sense is going to.

One thing I would like to say is not to be quick to assume that the end of your relationship meant it was a failed experience. This doesn’t necessarily mean you should look for the “reason” it happened either. There might not be just one definitive reason or any at all. Rather you should take the experience and grow from it.

Ask yourself questions that’ll not only help you move forward but also unpack and put away the events that have unfolded. Laura Pearl Spivack put together a list of 7 Questions To Ask Yourself Post-Breakup. Go ahead and grab your journal or notebook and answer each one as honestly as you can. Don’t feel like you have to share these answers with anyone, because the point is to be as transparent as possible, especially if you want to heal and grow from this.

In all honesty, it may be extremely difficult to find the answers to these questions the first time you look at the list, but don’t let that stop you from trying. Also don’t be afraid to go back in the next few weeks, months, or even in a year and reevaluate your answers. It’s true when they say we can be our biggest critic, but this is not the time nor the place to judge yourself. Go easy on yourself and remember that you don’t need to set any unrealistic or unreachable expectations for yourself when it comes to healing and moving forward.

Everyone moves at their own pace when it comes to these things, so find yours and take it easy, okay?

Right here by your side,

Bee

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Brandee Monet Cannady

This is where love is spread, opinions are expressed, feelings are validated, life is conquered, and music is shared. https://drum.io/brandeemonet