Letters to Bird
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Letters to Bird

This is an email from Bee's Newsletter, a newsletter by Letters to Bird.

Rebound Relationships

Issue 3

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Hey there friend,

Let’s talk about something that may be a little embarrassing to discuss: rebounding after a breakup.

In her article “What Is a Rebound Relationship?” Sanjana Gupta defines a rebound as “a relationship based on a reaction to a previous relationship, where one or both members are still contending with issues raised by the past breakup.”

The adjustment period that follows a breakup can cause some to seek comfort in a new romantic partner to speed up the process of grief. As we both know breakups are very painful, and while some decide to take breaks between relationships to recover emotionally, others may decide to look for a new relationship to work through their emotions.

As hard as this may be to admit, a rebound is a reactionary relationship. This isn’t necessarily a bad or negative thing, it just simply means that you have entered a new relationship on the premise of reacting to the termination of a previous one. This is not a reason to beat yourself up or to be hard on yourself. It’s a pretty common reaction to a breakup. Neither you nor anyone else should be making you feel bad about that.

It’s still worth mentioning that breakups can give you amazing opportunities to learn, and because of this depending on who you are, rebounding may stagnate your growth. The negative emotions that you are experiencing due to your breakup are not for nothing. There is serious personal growth tied to them.

However, for others rebounding may be a beneficial way to affirm a new beginning. It may offer you the opportunity of a new relationship evolving into a serious commitment that lasts forever. This may be what you need to move on.

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If you’re in a rebound relationship it’s really important to ask yourself whether the relationship is healthy for you. Later in her article, Sanjana Gupta writes “if you have begun a new relationship shortly after a breakup… ask yourself the following questions: Am I processing the past relationship? Have I learned from it? Am I uncomfortable being alone? Am I relying on someone else to validate my worth?”

It’s important to consider every one of these questions carefully and thoughtfully. It will help you to minimize the amount of time that you’re in pain and maximize your personal growth. You know what’s best for you and that’s why you have to take into consideration these questions on your own. It may be hard to admit the answer to some of these, but in the end, it’s more beneficial, to be honest with yourself than to pretend you’re fine.

Breakups are learning experiences. Sucky learning experiences, but learning experiences nonetheless. Don’t get in the way of yourself by jumping into something you’re not ready for. Only you know what you can take on after this experience. The emotions are raw and deep, but you shouldn’t try to avoid them.

I’m not saying any of this to discourage you from moving on or from finding a new partner. If you want to be loved and that’s your priority then by all means do what you have to do. However, all things considered, you want to make sure that you are taking care of yourself and offering the best version of yourself to the new person you want in your life. The only way you can do that is by being realistic. If a rebound is not working out, maybe you should consider being alone for a while. On the other hand, if being alone is not something you can handle, then it’s probably best you find a new relationship.

Country singer and The Voice coach Blake Shelton opens up about his relationship with his new beau. He admits that he feared his relationship with Gwen Stefani was a rebound following his divorce from Miranda Lambert. In the article written by Jenni McKnight, Blake is quoted as saying, “there were times where Gwen and I would be like, ‘Are we rebounding here? Is that what we’re doing together?’… we would always have these conversations like, ‘Oh yeah, we’re just getting over our crap with each other.’”

The fact that Blake was able to openly admit to questioning the genuineness of his relationship with Gwen proves that rebounds can cause you to doubt your connection with or love for someone new. It’s pretty common for people to look down on others for rebounding and yes there is a chance the relationship won’t work out. However, there’s that chance with any relationship, rebound or not. So it’s not safe to assume that rebounding is a bad idea.

Check out the article ‘Life After Heartbreak: Do Rebound Relationships Ever Work?’ when you get a chance. If you’re currently in a rebound and you’re having any doubts or struggling with emotional stability, it might help bring you some confidence and peace knowing that rebound relationships can work out and aren't always doomed to failure.

Created in Canva. Photo source: https://www.hellomagazine.com/brides/2020102799817/gwen-stefani-and-blake-shelton-engaged/

The proof is in the pudding guys. Blake and Gwen are happy together. They even got engaged. If you listen to Gwen Stefani’s music you’ll find that she is just as surprised about things working out with Blake as he is. I love her song Make Me Like You which was inspired by her relationship with him and finding renewing love after divorce. Let their story give you hope.

Whether you start a new relationship immediately after your breakup or not, know that everything will happen just the way it’s supposed to. The unknown is scary, but a great future for you is inevitable. Don’t doubt that you’ll find love again. Don’t give up that hope. You owe it to yourself to know how worthy you are of being cherished the way you should be. You deserve it. Don’t forget that.

Always here to lift your spirits,

Bee

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Brandee Monet Cannady

This is where love is spread, opinions are expressed, feelings are validated, life is conquered, and music is shared. https://drum.io/brandeemonet