It Only Takes a Smile to Change the World
Dear Mica,
I can’t tell you how much I appreciated our walk the other day. The hours spent jumping over cracks in the ground, the uncontrollable giggling over strangely shaped bugs, and your never-ending desire to climb absolutely anything in your path! You seemed so happy and curious, passionate to explore and be free. That said, I do have have one favor for the future.
Honey, moments after we left the school, a small woman with wiry white hair and bright pink lipstick offset by a powder blue silk scarf waddled towards us. Her demeanor was grandmotherly and soft as she searched for a safe place to rest her bags and gain a much needed breath. While silence ebbed between us, and song birds chirped from the neighboring quinta, the woman slowly felt her way up the blue tiled wall and fixed her eyes directly at you.
“Fofino, you are just so unbelievably beautiful!” she sung in punctuated Portuguese with a beaming smile that could light the world. “Just so sweet and beautiful. Are you coming home from school? Did you have a good day?”
With a blank, empty stare, you looked at her waist transfixed. You said nothing, you did nothing, you just sat…numb, statuesque. Until your brain revved up the last remaining neurons of the day, and you suddenly scream in a deafening tones, “Noooooooo, I don’t like old people mommy, nooooo!”
Darting behind a weathered wooden doorframe of an abandoned building, burying your face deep within widened crack, you continue your desperate plea for the woman to leave your personal space. “Goooo!” you shout, as she sat stunned and visibly hurt, “Gooooo away!”
“Did I say something wrong?” she muttered. “Is he tired?”
Even writing this breaks my heart Mica, because that one interaction has set the tone for her entire afternoon. No amount of excuses will bring back that shining light she initially had for you. No amount of apologies will alter her pure and loving intention to simply connect with you. You, my dear, unconsciously killed the moment.
Now, I get that the movie “Up” has altered your perception of old people, and that both the villain and the hero embody everything unnerving and scary about older people, but this doesn’t give you permission to extend those fears onto the rest of the world. These are individuals honey, not a mass representation of the entire elder population.
That very first interaction Mica, that very first “hello”, changes people’s lives! It’s our responsibility to make this first impression the very best we can, because it’s not just about you, it’s about the space between you.
So often in our lives, we believe that we’re alone, isolated, not apart of the greater matrix. We walk down the street with our headphones, oblivious to the woman struggling with her groceries, the man offering a gentle smile or the little girl crying from her wayward balloon floating skyward. We check out, assuming that no one cares, that our impact is minimal if not nonexistent. This assumption is incredibly flawed in my opinion. It comes out of ignorance, insecurity and a lazy desire to be whatever our mood or thoughts dictate. If I feel sad, angry, scared etc, then I have a right to express that feeling to whomever enters my path, right? Maybe not.
Several years ago, I worked as an English teacher in a gorgeous private school that overlooked the Mediterranean. The school had an incredible bird’s eye view of Barcelona and I had the privileged job of greeting the kids every morning as they arrived to school. At 8am, with my apple in hand, I would savor each crunchy bite while smiling at the kids running through the door — all except one. I’m sure it was more than one, but this particular kid is etched in my mind, because he was absolutely terrified of speaking to me. A simple hello rocked his soul in fear, and rather than approach me about it, he ran from me at every opportunity he had. Without my even knowing it, I represented the worst of him, the darkest part of his personality that he felt he couldn’t control. He simply couldn’t speak English. He couldn’t say hello. He couldn’t engage me at any level without having a panic attack. It wasn’t until his mother confessed his fear in hushed tones six months later that I had any idea of my impact on him. But if I had opened my eyes Mica, if I had taken the time to read the signs, they were all there.
He did say hello in Catalan to the teacher at the gate, and often went to so far as to give her a hug, but ignored me completely….and guess what, I ignored him too. I assumed he didn’t care, so I didn’t care. I assumed, he was just preoccupied with his day, so I continued with my pattern without questioning it. But he did care, a hell of a lot. He hated what I represented, but he didn’t know how to change it. If I had seen him, stopped him, and said hello in Catalan to ease his fears and create a relationship, just maybe those six months wouldn’t have been so trying for him.
My point, my generalizations that all kids were X is no different than your assumption that all old people are Y. Consequently, we don’t take the time to greet people with an open heart. We shy away and keep tight inside our little bubble.
Mica, you don’t have to like everyone, but we always need to greet people with smile. We need to see them, look in their eyes and say “Good Day.” Maybe they’re having a bad day and they harrumph, maybe they ignore us, maybe they smile back with a brilliant “Good Morning,” it doesn’t matter. What matters is our ability to provide them the best mirror of themselves we can muster. What matters is that we take responsibility of our assumptions, of our own moods and emotions to engage people with our whole heart. What happens after that is another story entirely, but that first engagement, that very first moment could change their world.
