Reigning in the Dragon: When life consumes your fury
Coming home yesterday, I find you in a raging ball of anger, frustration and fury! Your eyes are set on laser. Your fists are clenched. Your jaw is tight and ungiving. Screaming at the top of your lungs, the sound bowls me over as if you’re yelling, “God damn I hate you all!!!”
Dude, why are you so stressed?
Looking down at your arm, I see a huge red mark inflamed over your vaccination scar, but the scar itself is month’s old. Could there be a correlation? Did a kid bite you? Did the cat scratch you?
Taking you out of your high chair, you kick and scream in fury, sending your plate covered in extra bits of chicken and peach across the room. I try tossing blankets at you, tickling you, and generally acting like an idiot to coerce a smile from your angelic face, but you won’t cave in.
The fury is so visceral, so expressive, that random strangers on the street look at you with reserved empathy, cautious to get too close to the kid gnawing on the front handlebar of his stroller. Eventually, our afternoon stroll turns into a chicken fight between you and the innocent bystander. With knitted eyebrows, you stare stoically as they smile and fondle your chubby toes. Nothing breaks your wall of frustration, nothing eases your pain. Your rock solid posture makes “The Hulk” look like a douchebag.
I debate taking into the hospital, fearful that the mark on your upper arm, combined with your low grade fever and feral disposition, is a cocktail for disaster. So I wait, watch and hold back my motherly need to control every situation.
The rest of the day progresses into an ebb and flow of laughter and tears before your body finally gives up the fight and passes out in the warm embrace of my arms . Exhaustion has released the demon, set it free from its shackles, and liberated you from its clenches. Now, your face is soft, relaxed and calm. Your breathing is deep. Your spirit is at peace.
Life Lesson:
Mica, I’ll admit that yesterday was extremely difficult for me. I felt as if something else took over your body and claimed at it as its own. Your personality was highjacked, your feelings turned dark and fiery. And to date, I have no idea what was troubled you, what caused such distress. That is so very hard love. The unknowing, the confusion, the powerlessness eats away at you, makes you feel like a shitty parent.
The other reason why I was so disturbed was that I saw myself in you. I know the feeling of fury, frustration and anger. I know what it’s like to feel such rage that you envision fireballs growing out of the palms of your hands that eventually consume the world. For those who’ve never felt such passion, such fire, such intensity, it’s difficult to explain, but I do. And strangely, it’s one of the most powerful tools at your disposal.
This fire, this passion, is an intricate part of our personality. It’s the part of us that moves mountains and changes lives. It conquers our fears and does whatever our intuition says, as opposed to what’s in trend. It gives to those who need it, not those of a particular class, race or gender. It’s the part of us that will do absolutely whatever it takes to fulfill a dream, even when we desperately want to give up and throw in the towel.
Honey, I may not know wtf happened yesterday, but I do know that I will do everything in my power to help you use that energy effectively, to harness and focus it, to feel empowered to create and grow. But if you simply need a cuddle and cry because it hurts like hell, then simply climb up on my lap and let me shower you in love.
