Celebrating Karva Chauth without you!
Dear Meethi Ma
Nitish just can not fathom that I observe the karva Chauth fast. Someone like me who constantly fights for equality is willingly starving myself to pray for the long life of my husband while he enjoys hearty meals. But it is hard to explain to him what this day means to me. It is not about him, at all. It is about the relationship I have with you and mom-in-law. I still remember the festivity that this day brought. I would accompany you to the Mehandi stall and wait in the long queue for our turn. I would get impatient and agitated but you distracted me one way or the other as we waited for what seemed like hours. I would apply Mehandi and become a princess who would not budge an inch and you would remove your Mehandi even before it completely dried up to accommodate for my incessant demands and house work. We would decide your saree days in advance and I would hunt for just the right colour bangles and bindi. This was the only time of the year you would get a facial or apply nail paint. And your choice of nail paint irritated me to the core. So much of it is over Ma leaving behind memories. Memories that make me smile and cry at the same time. I can only imagine how empty papa must feel today. Bua woke up at 4 today perhaps for solidarity with her own set of memories. We are all struggling to find a bit of the ground for our feet!
When you cry at things which are gone you perhaps also welcome and value new moments which become memories tomorrow. Every year on karva Chauth I would do a drama with mom-in-law on how I did not want to eat early in the morning. Today I let her feed me what she wanted. I had a parantha full of butter, lots of fruits and lots of dry fruits. I took the saargi from her last night and between the smiles a tear rolled down my cheek. Somewhere I know that every karva Chauth is creating new memories and strengthening bonds. And even though it is supposedly for Nitish, my rationale does not have him in the picture, at all!
I miss us mom!