Dear Meethi Ma

My grief curve matches none of the psychological theories I have read so far. When the pain from your loss was fresh, I could cry, write and smile thinking of you.

But today with each week passing by the pain becomes such an intrinsic part of me that any expression seems almost impossible.

A friend of mine asked me why I don’t write to you anymore. And that got me thinking deep – there is so much to say but perhaps more to feel. Words are failing me miserably.

As I sit writing to you, the house is silent. Everyone has gone off to sleep. A few stars are twinkling. A cold breeze brings back the winter chill. I bite into my big slab of chocolate and look up at the sky. A silent wish goes up into the heavens. Happy anniversary mom! I am sure dad misses me you the most today – a day which belonged to the both of you! So often I have heard from you stories of your wedding and more often I have dressed up as you in your wedding saree. Two days ago I wore your saree to a workshop. I am not lying but it still smells of you!

So many people came up to me to compliment me. And instead of a thank you, all I could tell them was “This is my mom’s saree.”

Most of my workshop participants did not understand why and what I was saying. But those who did, hugged me tight. I can see you wearing that saree and effortlessly working through the house. With your signature smile intact on your face. How did you do this Ma? How did you manage to stay so positive and happy irrespective of what circumstances you faced? How did you manage to multitask and keep everyone happy?

I struggle to find the answers. But I promise I won’t give up!

Love

Me