Dear Meethi Ma
I have not written to you in a long time. Does that mean that I am getting used to you not being physically around me? That I am “moving on” with “life”? That I have learnt to ignore the emotional upheavals? That I have let go of you on your onward journey? I don’t know.
We celebrated Diwali earlier this month. A lot of people were surprised when I lit the house with fairy lights and diyas. But I had to get the lights to the heavens! You know this year even bua did not cheat. She honestly bought stuff on dhanteras rather than buying it earlier and magically producing it in front of us. She actually made me go to the market overflowing with people to buy what she needed. I made a beautiful rangoli. I even wore a saree to celebrate. I called all the people you would have called to wish them on the festival. Both the houses looked beautiful. But yet, everything was incomplete. While I kept looking for ways to make things complete all I ended up doing was realising that no amount of diyas or lights or gifts or food or people or crying or laughter could fill the internal void.
Perhaps when everything looks incomplete, you work towards redefining what complete means to you. I am struggling to realign myself with the new meaning of completeness! But I am at it!
You were in my dreams last night and I remember having long conversations with you! I think I touched your cheek as you spoke. I wish I remembered what we spoke about. But the only thing I remember is your smiling face which tells me that you are happy and that is perhaps the most comforting factor!
I am trying, Meethi Ma!