RELATIONSHIPS
Dear Daughter, Here’s a Secret To Good Relationships
Your relationship with others is defined by your relationship with yourself.
Dear daughter,
Today, I wanted to tell you a little-known secret to relationships.
Think of relationships with other people as mirrors. Whatever you believe about yourself will be reflected back in your relationships.
If you find yourself in relationships where you constantly feel inadequate, disrespected, unloved, or unaccepted, the other people aren’t the problem — you are. Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m not saying that you’re not worthy of love, respect, or acceptance or that something is wrong with you — quite the opposite. But the truth is, you seem to believe that! The proof will be in your relationships.
If you want to repair your relationships with others, you have to mend your relationship with yourself first.
You cannot expect it from others until you love, respect, and accept yourself. Other people are just a mirror to your inner world, reflecting perfectly what you believe and feel about yourself and them.
You can’t make other people love you, but you can work on your self-love, and rest assured, it will be reflected in your relationships. If something is bothering you with any relationship, start fixing the problem within. That is where the actual cause resides. Other people have no choice but to reflect your inner relationship back at you.
Here’s a simple guide:
- If you feel attractive, others will find you attractive.
- If you feel confident, other people will be drawn to you, like bees on honey.
- If you fully accept your body and yourself, other people will also accept you. In fact, you will attract people who adore those parts you previously thought were flaws.
- If you feel deserving of love and respect, no one who would disrespect you will be able to enter your life. They will wither away, and people who respect and love you will enter it.
Therefore, if you find yourself in a relationship you don’t like, don’t expect things to get better by replacing the other person. They won’t. Unless you change within, the only thing that will change will be the names and the faces, but the feeling and experience of the relationship will remain the same. Other people are not the ones dictating this relationship — you are!
What can you do if you are dissatisfied with your relationship?
Work on yourself. Identify the issue with that relationship and find the real problem underneath. Define it, and then look within for causes. You can’t make people treat you differently unless you treat yourself differently. Replacing people won’t make a difference either, as you will always take yourself into any new relationship.
This is the golden rule, my darling girl. Ignore it, and you will forever experience the same relationships and emotions over and over again, just with different people.
- You cannot be disrespected if you respect yourself. You simply won’t allow it, and disrespecting people won’t prey on you.
- You cannot feel loved and accepted by others until you love and accept yourself. Even if they shower you with affection and tell you they love you, you won’t believe them and will find ways to sabotage the relationship. You will always look for anything they say or do that confirms how you really feel about yourself.
- You cannot feel desired and wanted if you don’t believe yourself worthy of it. You reject yourself so that other people will reject you as well. Even if someone loves you as you are, you will feel rejected the moment they aren’t poring their attention and expressing their desires for you.
In short — other people hardly matter in this equation.
Your relationships with other people aren’t about other people. They are about you. Don’t blame others for your problems. Don’t rely on them to make you feel better. They can’t give you happiness and love. Only you can.
By changing yourself, people in your life will either adapt to the new you or wither away, and new people will replace them — the kind of people who will reflect your new relationship with yourself.
Herein lies the problem. It’s much easier to blame other people for our problems. Admitting that we’re the cause is always difficult, but it is true. We can accept the truth and begin the hard work on ourselves, or we can play the helpless victim and keep reliving the same thing over and over again. The choice is yours, my darling. You will also be the one to carry the consequences of that choice.
Just in case I wasn’t clear:
- You are perfect as you are.
- You deserve love and respect.
- I love and accept you as you are, my little angel.
If you, yourself, feel even a modicum of my love and admiration for you, your relationships will be full of love, acceptance, fulfillment, and mutual respect, as it should be. Never settle for anything less!
Love, Dad
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