WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE

Dear Daughter, What Good Is Worrying About Things Beyond Your Control?

Wars, violence, and armed conflicts are rising in the world. Use them as reminders of how lucky you are.

Image created by “AI tool Microsoft Bing Image Creator powered by DALL·E” — the author has the provenance and copyright.

Being informed is not the same as crying in front of your TV while watching people suffer! Yes to the first, but a HARD NO to the second!

Dear Daughter,

I write this letter to you at a time when the world is drenched in turmoil. After decades of relative peace, our news channels are full of global threats, war, violence, and suffering. It can all be overwhelming, especially if you’re not used to it.

The world is not ideal, and people are still the violent, possessive animals we always were. It is the reality of the world you live in. Hopefully, you are far away from any such violence, somewhere safe. I hope it shall remain that way, my darling.

If this is the first time you’re seeing such inhumane violence and soul-crushing suffering, I know it feels desperate, terrifying, and like it will come to your doorstep anytime now. It most likely won’t. But it doesn’t have to for you to feel like you’re in the middle of the chaos.

When you watch the news and scroll through the visually disturbing social media feeds, you experience similar stress as if the bullets were flying over your head. Some people are besieged with sadness, and others rage as a consequence.

Yet some become distant and objectively detach themselves from these situations. They don’t pretend the horrors aren’t happening but are simply aware they can’t do anything about it, so they try to push it out of their minds and hearts.

There is a time to be angry. There is a time to be sad. But it’s not when behind the television screen or your smartphone.

It doesn’t help anyone. It only destroys your happiness, inner peace, and a sense of joy. Yes, people are suffering. Before this episode is over, thousands, maybe even millions, will die, get hurt, and lose their loved ones. It is sad and heartbreaking. I know. I feel for them, too.

Ask yourself: What can I do about this situation?

• Can you prevent the conflict from escalating? Do you have such power over nations? No.
• Can you help all those people directly? Can you house them, feed them, keep them safe? No.
• Does your worrying about the situation, crying yourself to sleep with images of unfortunate souls undergoing suffering, help anyone? No.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be informed.

Although, in truth, ignorance can be bliss regarding global situations. Sometimes, the less you know, the better your life, and it makes no tangible difference to anyone. If you feel you must follow the news, inform yourself from different sources. Just make sure you’re not succumbing to grief or rage.

Being informed is not the same as crying in front of your TV while watching people suffer! Yes to the first, but a HARD NO to the second! Do not watch those videos. They will destroy your mind and break your heart.

Understanding the situation

When you are trying to understand why people commit such violence and cause suffering, especially on a world stage, remind yourself that:

• Suffering, violence, and death are unfortunately quite natural in this world. That is nothing new. A time of peace, acceptance, and understanding is the exception, not the norm.
• You do not and cannot understand the people involved and their reasons. You aren’t walking in their shoes. It’s rarely as black and white as the media or your government would have you believe. There are no absolute good guys in war. There are causes for every behavior, rational and irrational ones.
• You (and I) know nothing of what is really going on. We may think we do, but we don’t. There are so many variables hidden from our view that could be influencing the situation that we simply cannot know everything — ever. The more we are convinced in our version of the story, the stronger the chances we are blind to the truth.
• There is always more than one perspective in any situation. Two conflicting nations, for example, will see things entirely different. From their point of view, they are always in the right, and the other is the evil aggressor. One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter. Most of these feuds go back hundreds of years.
• There are no easy solutions to world conflicts. Every side wants what it wants and is willing to kill for it. They have their reasons. From their perspective, they don’t have a choice. Then, there are dozens of “interested parties” motivated either by association, extended power plays, or money. Those quick one-sentence solutions are naive illusions, showing only a lack of understanding, nothing else.

So what can you do?

Not much, I’m afraid. You can pray for a quick, fair resolution to the conflict and shine some light in the darkness with good intentions. Other than that, unless you’re in a position of immense power, there is not much left besides worrying yourself to death and becoming as cynical as your old man. Trust me, you don’t want that.

• You can feel compassion for the people suffering without watching their misery unfold before your eyes.
• You can spread awareness of the reasons behind the conflict, but it’s futile.
• You can send money into war zones, help feed the poor, and clothe the naked, but the reality is that 95% of your money will never reach the people in need, not across the world. You can do more good closer to home.
• You cannot control others, much less warring nations. You can, however, be a good person and do good right where you are.
• You cannot help the people in need by crying over them and watching their suffering, but you can do something nice for a neighbor or a loved one. One will make you feel miserable and helpless, and the other will make you feel good and helpful.

Say “thank you,” and say it often!

• Most importantly, you can be happy and grateful that you have been spared such suffering. Feel thankful for it if you are safe somewhere far away from conflict.
• If your loved ones aren’t fighting and dying in a pointless war somewhere, be thankful to have them in your life.
• If bombs aren’t falling at your doorstep, thank your God, the universe, or pure luck for your good fortune.

In fact, that randomness of life has spared you from unimaginable pain. That is ultimately the only thing separating you from the people caught in the middle of the conflict.

Count your blessings and focus on all the good in your life. As you can see, happiness, health, and peace are all fleeting. Be grateful while you have them.

Don’t worry about the future.

It is unknowable. What will be, will ultimately be. No amount of worry will make the slightest difference to the outcome. Focus on today, on the here and now. That is the only thing you control — your mind and your choices in the present moment.

Love, Dad.

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