I’m the Pater Familias

Correspondence with an Infant

Its hard to believe its only been a month since you were born because I feel like a whole new man and this feels like a distinctly different home. Of course, its been exhausting… you require lots of attention (and lots and lots of laundry) but thus far, every single moment has been truly worth it. And every single moment seems even more worth it than the moment previous, and that includes the times that you’re screaming at me.

I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the obstacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward. Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation.
– Blind Seer, O Brother Where Art Though?

I still can’t believe that I’m somebody’s father. That fact is completely mind-blowing– one that you really have to experience to appreciate. I can’t quite fathom how this all happened or how lucky I feel now to actually have you here in my arms, safe and sound. Your mother and I were both silently worried sick that you’d befall some obscure chromosomal defect or some terrible complication of birth would psychologically maim us all for years to come.

But none of those things actually happened. In fact, you’re perfect. You are perfect in every imaginable way. Now, if it weren’t for the threat of SIDS or that of Mommy and Daddy accidentally dozing off and dropping you on your head, I’d say we’re home free (at least for the stuff that lies within our immediate control).

No– now its everything else that we’ll be stressing about…

How do I teach you to be a strong and compassionate soul that can love and be loved? How do I instill in you a passion for life and personal responsibility? Self awareness? The value of a good education and the means to support yourself or support a family?

I reflect now on the many choices I’ve made or neglected to make and the inevitable repercussions to what seems important to me today. So many mistakes; countless regrets & missed opportunities. I suppose thats the natural order of things… making mistakes so that we can learn and grow while slowly amassing a wealth of knowledge that helps us negotiate our future endeavors. I wish I could give you a brain dump of these things I’ve learned but I doubt you’d appreciate them until you’ve made the mistakes on your own first.

And ironically– given all this experience, all these lessons acquired through trial and sheer abundance of error… at just 5 weeks old, you’ve taught me more than I’ve learned in a lifetime.

• You’ve taught me patience.
• You’ve taught me to never take anything for granted.
• You’ve taught me to respect and appreciate true innocence.
• You’ve taught me the value of work-life balance.
• You’ve helped me to see just how strong a person your Mommy is.
• And I never knew how much one could accomplish without sleep…

But the most important thing I’ve learned from you is to expect the unexpected. From day one, you’ve thrown nothing but curve balls. I have no idea where that part of your personality came from ;) but its very much a part of who you are.

And no doubt, that part of your personality will continue to guide you as you make your way through life’s many “obstackles”.