How I’m Dealing With Simply Being Sad
I’ve come to realize that I take time to adjust to change. I feel like a cat, spurning the world around me because things like schedule or accessibility have inevitably changed. When my work schedule changed it took me a week to be able to get back into doing anything besides cooking, working, and sleeping. For periods of time my brain only focused on the exact methodology of what I had to do — ignoring the things I wanted to do.
The pandemic has been one big change and for most of it I’ve adjusted to not seeing new people, needing a new job, talking to people like it’s 1940s (we text but the time stamps make it feel like snail mail). But I go through moods where I just can’t operate like I’d like to. Everything just seems like too much. I know there are things that are out of my control (my job market is trash so if I’m just not standing out enough all I can do is hope it’ll pick up when things get better) but I can’t help but feel like I’m just not enough. And what does it mean to be not enough?
Is it because I’m not trying hard enough? But what does that mean? Why do we insist that every person be the most amazing person every single time? You don’t have to be outstanding to do the job well, but it’s hard remembering that when your best doesn’t seem to be enough anymore. On these days I find myself spending more time trying to get more stuff done but…
