49: Responsive

January 30, 2024

Dearest Solomon,

Today is my last birthday in my forties. As per usual, I wanted to quickly try and find some meaning from the year that has passed before diving into the next.

Last year was a difficult year. I don’t know if any years are just good, but this one was filled with struggles. Finding one word to summarize it proved equally challenging, but I’ve arrived at Responsive.

But, before diving into responsiveness, it’s worth looking at the themes I didn’t choose as they are all closely related but important:

• Reactive: though much of the year was spent reacting to a wide array of difficult situations, being reactive alone implies less thought or strategy
• Agile: though much of the year was moving quickly, the ease usually associated with agility was not how it felt in person
• Reductive: though much of the year was about simplifying back to basics I would be remiss to say that simple describes the solutions or emotions

Responsive means reacting quickly and positively. As one perpetually trying to find the silver lining in something, to find a path that may not be obvious, this word just felt most relevant. It’s just how I’m wired I guess.

“The difference between responding and reacting is choice. When you are reacting, they are in control. When you respond, you are”.

- Henry Cloud

It’s this distinction that I think made the year what it was. Even though I felt I was fighting fires on all fronts, the choice to not let them rule me is what helped me get through things. Perhaps it’s the decades of life as an entrepreneur, living on the edge of happiness and madness that made this the only choice, but I am glad I had the skillset.

I could list out all the bazaar situations we had to endure over 2023, but the specifics matter much less than the broader point: how you respond is everything.

I wish I could tell you I had a perfect record with this, but you’d know I was lying. I wish I could tell you there’s always a right way to respond, but that would be untrue. I can tell you there are countless more wrong ways than there are right ones, and experience is the only blade that can sharpen your rate of success.

That said, perhaps the one moment, though, that I will share. Ironically, it’s an example of responsiveness not in me, but in you.

Last night, we went to your second basketball game. You guys beat the other team so badly, they stopped tracking the score — but that’s beside the point. You scored your first basket, and got your first 2 assists — it was awesome. But what stood out to me was how much you responded to the feedback from just the week before.

After your last game, we gave you a lot of notes on things we could see and asked you to tell us what you noticed too (stay on your guy, don’t crowd the net, and keep focused). A week later, you did all those things and changed how you were part of the game and the kind of teammate you are.

That, son, is what being responsive is all about.

Love always,
Dad

p.s. Your Uncle Ken reminded me of this quote, seems quite fitting

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!”

― Sylvester Stallone, Rocky Balboa