20 Responses to Mom’s Thoughts When Dad is Away On Business
Scary Mommy is a pretty awesome site — if you don’t read it I highly recommend it. Someone shared an funny post from the site earlier today, “The 20 Thoughts Moms Have When Their Husbands Are Away On Business” by Sarah Hosseini.
While this is a pretty entertaining line of reasoning, and I certainly can imagine how true this all seems from the outside, it seemed worthwhile at least providing this startup dad’s point of view on these matters. So here we go!
- He eats dinner at fancy restaurants
Every once in a while, as a startup found on the road, you’re taken to a nice dinner. At that dinner, you’re the one paying and watching every penny as it’s slowly draining the blood from your soul. More than likely, though, we’re busy eating out of a snack box on the plane — the adult equivalent of a Snackables Box.
2. He’s visiting cool places
Oh my, I so wish this was true. For every trip to London, there’s Louisville, for Cannes there’s Cleveland. Now there’s great people and great things all over the world, but it’s not like we ever get to see any of it. If I’m lucky, really lucky, we’re booked in back-to-back meetings without time to eat, drink, or use the bathroom. When we’re not lucky, there’s just enough time between things to seem like you could do something, but then, traffic.
3. Hubby sleeps uninterrupted in a hotel on plus pillows.
Believe it or not, the human body does like patterns. And even though there’s a slight chance that I won’t HAVE to get up, it’s not like my mind and body hasn’t learned that I am SUPPOSED to get up. Add to that, the Dropcam notifications and it’s just like home. Of course, you go to bed later because you don’t just have your work from the road, but all the work at the office as well. Did I mention my last hotel room had earplugs on the night stand?
4. That fucker is so cheating on me.
Come now.
5. Parks on the weekend are torture.
And I hope you never have to endure it on your own! I’ve gone through hell and high water. Traded in my comfy flights for middle seats on red-eyes to make sure I am never away for the weekend. I know how hard you work too and don’t want to not do my part.
6. Place one pair of hubby’s shoes at the front door and one pair at the back.
This is great advice. We keep a little camera too and trust me it worries me the whole time that my family is safe and sound at home. I am sure my wife can defend herself, but I never want her to have to even think about it.
7. Is the alarm system working properly?
We have an alarm????
8. What kiddie activity can I find will take up the most time?
Moms have amazing abilities with their children. I like to think I’m pretty involved and it pales in comparison to how much my lovely wife manages in a day. And we’ve got just a 7 month old.
9. ______________________
Ha, I don’t even know what to say about that.
10. I’m surrounded by little human beings all day long, but I feel lonely.
For all the glamour you might think there is out there, it’s just as lonely. We’re not speaking to little humans, but we’re trying to sell to growned-up ones. That means having to do just as much listening, just as much explaining, repeating the same thing over and over all day, and fear you’re not gonna get it right. Sound familiar?
11. Hubby, don’t dial my number.
You don’t sound crazy, and crazy never sounded so good. Sure it’s hectic, but knowing that life is carrying on at it’s normal clip is a relief in some weird, ironic way. As for sounding calm, cool and collected — the last thing I need to do is give you one more thing to worry about.
12. I need a break from bedtime stories.
You think bedtime stories are hard, try a sales pitch. I still relish our little one ignoring the story and trying to eat the book every single time still.
13. Walk slowly down the stairs.
If anyone’s got this, I know it’s you. Be careful, don’t rush. Our friends are close by, you’re never alone.
14. Must teach kids how to dial 9–1–1 on the iPhone.
Scariest idea in the world.
15. Chew carefully.
See 13–14.
16. Simmer down on the booze.
If you’re OK to drive, you’re fine — at least that’s what my wife keeps telling me. And please, take a drink, you so deserve it.
17. Is marijuana considered medicinal for mothers?
Probably.
18. I’m definitely not cooking dinner.
Sprig. Sprig. Sprig!
19. I hope I get a kickass souvenir.
I think you deserve both a souvenir AND a day off. I know the shot glass from Cleveland International isn’t all that, but we’ll make it up to you. I don’t know about other dads, but I feel guilty as hell having to be away and definitely, hopefully, do my best to over compensate when I’m home. I don’t mind the baby monitor as a night light or tending to the nights whenever and however I can, I promise.
20. When’s your next trip?
Last year I think I had more than one 13-weeks-straight-at-the airport streaks. It definitely sucks. And as much as I would love to kiss you guys as close to me leaving as possible, I don’t want to then have to imagine the drive home, the crying baby, and the stress of wrangling the stroller back through our always-broken elevator system.
Adjusting to life with a traveling parent takes a lot of work, consideration, empathy and energy. Parenting still seems to take a village, so hats off to all you single parents out there (permanent or temporary). Everyone finds their own way to manage, and that resiliency is what proves parents are damn special people.
I know there’s likely loads of parents who relish the chance to escape it all, but I’m not one of them and don’t imagine I am not alone. I don’t know what it’s like to work for a big company with a huge travel budget, but I can tell you what it’s like to be a startup founder crammed in economy on a red eye with a 30 minute connection that can’t be missed. It seems like all fun and games — but it just seems that way, I promise.
