Guy’s Night
January 14, 2016
Dearest Solomon,
It’s been 231 days since you were born — time flies my boy. In that time, there have been countless nights that I can’t recall, but tonight was a special one for us.
Would you believe that of all those 231 days, your mom has put you to sleep for ALL of them, except 2! I’m sure it’s breaking her heart right now.
The first time was also the first time we ever let you out of our sights. That may not seem like a big deal to you now — I’m sure you plot as many nights as possible away from us as you read this — but it was almost the end of the world for us. No seriously.
Interestingly enough, well before you were born, we were invited to Juliet’s wedding (she and your mom used to work together and still are friends). Not knowing any better we committed to go, so there here we were — getting ready to leave you for the first time.
Somewhere in the lead up to this event, I had promised your Aunt Jody (you know she’s the one who gave you Igor, the octopus), had already asked if she could watch you — Aunt Jody is both obsessed with babies and a glutton for punishment — and somehow, when we considered opting out of the wedding, she not-so-subtly reminded me that we promised she could watch you. So basically, you can blame her :)
Anyway, we dropped you off and you were a champ — almost made it through the night sleeping and all. Of course, I was worrying that I hadn’t finished getting life insurance, hadn’t written a will, and was traveling with your mom, hence putting both your parents at risk (we were driving). But obviously, we survived.
So tonight, it was the first time that it was just me and you — mom is nearby, but not here. We went through our normal routine, easy as can be. But I’ve got to be honest, usually, I’m not responsible for that last bit at the end. You’re still breastfeeding so mom is the one who gets those final moments at the end of the evening — I usually just get to give you a last couple of good squeezes before handing you to her.
Tonight, though, it was my turn. Armed with 8oz of milk, perfect temperature, of course, we get to work. You resisted the first pass, showing me how much more tasty your index finger is. Fortunately, you didn’t protest for long, and gulped down a bunch of it. One quick toss, then we got another couple ounces in. Then the last bit.
But in that last bit, something really special happened. You turned your eyes upward to me and looked me straight in the eye. I had been humming a little song to you since I forgot to turn on the music — and you looked right at me.
Now I’ll never know what you were thinking and you won’t even remember this moment, but it was the first time I felt like you were looking at me. Let’s be honest, you’ve looked at me many, many times in your life, but there was something, just this little hint of “Thank You”, “I need you”, maybe even “I love you” in your eyes and I just couldn’t stop looking right back.
In that moment, I’ve never been so jealous of your mom, ever. It’s got to be what she has every night and she’s been totally been keeping it to herself, but then again — who can blame her for keeping secret something so perfect?
Love always,
Dad
