inconceivable
inconceivable
that in this vast collection of commonplace cruelties
two such as us could meet
and then part
cruelly
even unknowingly
damage that seeped into bones at birth
creeps through life looking for a new target
and we were there
for each other
to rip into scars and discover
a shared truth
too much for me to handle twenty years ago
so i ripped into you
blocked you from my life and my memory
lived a life of lies and fantasy
to escape
she was my hero
and i would be damned
if anyone tried to say she was not my mother
and so i broke
completely
inconceivable
what was done to her
inconceivable
what she did with what was done
stitched together a life
stayed with a man so he wouldn’t fight for custody
so i wouldn’t know
where and what i came from
that fierce woman, that mom
i would break for her
gladly
the way she did for me
i just fucking wish it had been consciously
inconceivable
how my brain did this
there were times i thought it was you
the first hug
i went back for more
your scent some kind of sweet water my inner hummingbird wanted to drink
the small scar on your lip
i kept picturing my finger there
tracing a part of your history
there
above your perfect lips
and it was no imagination
it was a memory
it was you
inconceivable
to come from such unwelcomed beginnings
to fight through such harsh years
and never to have one true moment with each other
where we could examine the beauty of our scars
consciously
how they intertwine and echo
how they echo
inconceivable
that in this vast collection of commonplace cruelties
two such as us could meet
and then part
