Pride and Me
On the 27th June 2020, it would have been Pride in London, I have never been to one in this country, but I had the weekend off and was finally going. Obviously, with the Covid-19 situation, this year’s Pride amongst many other events had to be cancelled which is gutting but completely understandable and necessary.
I’ve been out as a gay man for over 12 years now but I’ve only ever been to one pride, the Christopher Street Day in Munich and for me, this isn’t enough. After coming out I wasn’t comfortable with the world that I had entered. I felt like it all seemed too much for me, I could barely cope with one camp guy let alone lots of queer people in one place.
Growing up in a small town in the south of England you don’t come across many people in the LGBTQ+ community. I come from a working-class background with a Dad who was a Glazer, went to the pub almost every night, would bring home The Sun newspaper (page 3 never did anything for me no matter how much I looked at the boobs on display). That’s the sort of world I was living in. everything just seemed straight and that’s how you were supposed to be.
The queer people on TV were stereotypical, gay men were camp, lesbians couples had one “butch” girl and one “pretty” girl and trans people were portrayed as being different or weird. I had very little exposure to queerness so when I came out, it was overwhelming. Going to something like a pride event was scary, too many people being “different” was just all too much.
After coming out, settling down and getting married, you would think that I would have enough exposure to the queer world and feel comfortable with something like pride. I knew more people in the LGBTQ+ community but I still didn’t want to go. My ex had the opinion that as a community we are asking for equality, then why are we proud to be different? I admit that I agreed with this view at the time.
He also told me that after going to a pride, he felt it was full of people looking down on you for not wearing branded clothes or being fit and toned. This may have been just his experience of a pride he went to but it put me off. His views on pride, like mine, have now changed, particularly after the shootings in Pulse nightclub in Orlando in 2016.
I now feel completely different about pride, I have changed, I am now single and much more aware of the issues we face. I know more about the history of pride, the people involved and how Stonewall was a riot. I follow LGBTQ+ people and organisations on social media, listen to podcasts, watch documentaries. TV shows like Ru Paul’s Drag Race and Queer Eye have really opened my mind to the people in our comunity, and how the young me didn’t need to be scared at all!
I understand more about the issues we still face, we have Black Trans Women being killed because of who they are, JK Rowling and the LGB alliance are attacking the Trans community. People are being beaten for just being who they are, we had people terrified during lockdown because they were living with people who don’t agree with their sexuality or identity. There are too many countries where it is still illegal to be gay, where you could get you prisoned, tortured or killed for just being who you are.
Conversion Therapy is not yet illegal in the UK, this is dangerous and could permanently harm anyone who goes through it. Part of me thinks that if I had the option to use conversion therapy before coming out I may have tried it, I didn’t want to be gay and I beat myself up about it for years and it scares me to think what would’ve happened if I had access to it. Suicide rates amongst LGBTQ+ youth are high and something like conversion therapy does not help at all.
A lot of same-sex couples do not feel comfortable to hold hands with their partner in public (I was with my partner for 10 years and we never felt comfortable). There are people who I speak to who are still not out because they are scared of parents or friends reactions. After knowing and understanding these issues I understand what pride means. I also think it is a great way to remember those activists who have fought so hard to get us where we are now.
When it can happen again I want to go to pride. I spent a lot of time in the closet, being too scared to come out of it and I don’t want this to happen any more, I want people just be themselves, without prejudice, without worry. No one should need to come out. you shouldn’t be born and automatically thought of as straight. We shouldn’t all have to live in a straight world that I felt like I was raised in.
I am proud of our community, we are strong, we are fierce and together we are powerful and we have amazing allies who support us no matter what. We are better and stronger when we are united and that’s why pride is so important, not to shout loud to everyone that we are different but to shout loud that we are proud of who we are and we want freedom and equality for everyone.
