Straight people, use your power!
I decided as a post break up trip to go to Munich, somewhere I’ve always wanted to go. I’m lucky to know someone there, I met Felix in Australia whilst I was travelling with my ex and so was he. I hadn’t seen him in 10 years and a lot has changed since we first met. Whilst we were having some drinks the conversation got on to sexuality and he said ‘I am married, I have wife, I have a son, I am very happy with my life right now, it doesn’t matter to me what you do’.
What he said is something I’ve been thinking for a long time. How is me, living my little gay life, affecting you? I’ve had this conversation before with my ex but hearing it from a straight guy, out of the blue had an impact on me. This conversation got me thinking, about straight people and the power they have with their words and actions for anyone in the LGBTQ community. Your words of acceptance have such a massive impact on our lives and that conversation with Felix reminded me of this.
I’ve been lucky and I haven’t encountered any homophobia, I have written before about work and how my sexuality isn’t an issue. I am the only out gay man at work, so to have that acceptance and to not feel out of place says a lot about the people I work with. I live in a predominantly straight world, we all do in the LGBTQ community so when we get support from the majority it means so much.
After the conversation with Felix, I realised that straight people have a superpower for those in the LGBTQ community. When you say or do something supportive you don’t realise how much you are helping, how much of an impact you have. We need allies, we need people to support us because we do live in a straight world and it means so much.
This power isn’t just for those who are out but you can use for everyone. You might be talking to someone who is confused about their sexuality or has accepted who they are but are not out yet. When I was growing up there was a lot of ‘banter’ where being gay was used in a derogative way and that put me further back in the closet. I’m not saying we have to go over pc with what we say, but just think before you say.
I have never wanted people around me to have to tiptoe around me through fear of offending me. Just think of what you are saying before you say it and don’t just presume you are in a group of straight people. There might be someone in that group struggling with their sexuality in some kind of way.
I’d also like to call on others in the LGBTQ community. We need to be there and support each other, there can be a lot of homophobia within the community and this needs to stop! There are varying ways that we are different from the social norm, we need to stick together. We cannot expect total acceptance from everyone until we have accepted everyone in the community. We need to remember that there are others in our community that need support.
I’m lucky and through my family and friends I am surrounded by acceptance but that little statement from my friend gave me such a boost. I can’t imagine the impact that would have had on a closeted Kevin. Whether it is just treating someone in the LGBTQ community as you treat everyone or just saying something that shows your support. It could even be just being mindful that regardless of how much you know someone they might have hidden feelings they don’t know how to deal with. Your power will make a difference.
To everyone, in and out of the community, let’s be kinder, let’s be more open and let’s help each other out. Regardless of how small your gesture is, it might just have a big impact without you realising.
After I wrote the first draft of this article, I listened to a podcast called ‘A gay and a non-gay’, definitely worth a listen if you haven’t already subscribed. The episode I’d like to refer to is one where Dan (the non-gay) is debating about writing an article about being an ally for the LGBTQ community, whilst James (who is gay) was encouraging him to write it. I was internally shouting ‘YES YOU’VE GOT TO WRITE IT!’ agreeing with James and the points about why he should write it.
He did, and it is worth a read so after this article if you want some helpful tips on how to be an ally, check it out. I can’t post a link on here but it was written for The Metro by Dan Hudson, a quick google should make it easy to find. I will also post it on The Gaze social media channels.
