Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, next?
So you may have noticed (or not) that I haven’t written an article in a while. Well, there are a few reasons for that, but there is one big overriding issue. Unfortunately, I broke up with my husband Stuie, this is something that I never thought would happen, but it did. I had no idea what would happen and no idea if I wanted to write or what I would write about.
I was thinking that maybe it was time to get back to writing when I went on a trip to Munich, where I met my friend Felix. I haven’t seen him in 10 years but it was so nice catch-up and have a few drinks (actually quite a few) and he mentioned an article I wrote about my experience as a gay football fan. What Felix said about reading the article inspired me to start writing again and it was easy to know what my first subject would be.
It wasn’t expecting to write about a break up at any point in my life, Stuie and I were married and happy but things, unfortunately, didn’t work out. The reason we broke up is something that I don’t want to go into as it’s a private matter. The one thing I will say about the break up is that I wasn’t blameless and I made a lot of mistakes, not just for the breakup but throughout the whole relationship. Not only did I make mistakes but also I didn’t learn from them.
This article isn’t going to be about my feelings about the break up, what I want to talk about is the lessons I learnt from the relationship. I was thinking about Ariana Grande’s song ‘Thank you, next’ which is about relationships and what you take away from each one. My version of the song for this relationship would be around 20 minutes long filled mostly with the words ‘thank you’ and then eventually ending with,’ next?’.
Stuie was my first proper relationship and it wasn’t until it ended that I realised what being with someone can teach you, about yourself, about the other person and relationships. Let’s face it being so close to someone isn’t always easy, but when things are going well it’s the best thing ever. Stuie wasn’t only my partner, he was my best friend and I loved spending time with him.
I can’t mention everything that I discovered from this relationship. it would take too long however I will do my very best to summarise. The biggest lesson is how to be myself, I found out who I am, Stuie allowed me to do that. He let me be myself around him, I never felt like I needed to try to be someone else I just was Kevin. I believe that I became a more liberal, informed, open-minded and passionate person around him. I found my voice and learnt how to use it.
Stuie taught me these things without trying, he already had these attributes himself. He told me that you need to try and do things out of your comfort zone and not to doubt what I am capable of. He always said that you shouldn’t just sit there wishing you could do something because if there is a will there’s a way. Get out of tunnel vision thinking, don’t just say I can’t do it, look for a way of being able to do it no matter how ridiculous it seems.
I didn’t know what it was like to be with someone until I met Stuie. I learnt about what to do and what not to do in a relationship. Be there but don’t smother, understand that the other person has up and down moods, support the other person, learn from your mistakes (this one I didn’t do so well with) and the most important thing, your partner is always right and he was as well!.
I wasn’t just about learning life lessons, I learnt more about films, TV, music and running. Stuie encouraged me to try running which led to me run the London Marathon this year. If it wasn’t for the relationship there is no way I would have done that. I presented a hospital radio show, I am partway through a history degree and the fact that I even started writing is down to Stuie encouraging me to better myself.
What I have written here is a very brief summary of what I have taken away from this relationship, there are some lessons learnt that I haven’t mentioned, there are some I haven’t realised yet and others I can’t articulate. My biggest fear about this is that I won’t learn from the mistakes I made in this relationship, I can only hope that I do.
It’s because of these lessons that I wouldn’t change my relationship with Stuie. I had an amazing time and he was my best friend. I had so many laughs, met amazing people, smiled a lot, had so many experiences all because of him and the relationship we had. For that, I feel very grateful for what Stuie and I had.
Those of you who are keen Ariana Grande fans will know that there isn’t a question mark in her song. I have added one to this article because in my case there is one, I have no idea what the future holds for me. I certainly hope that at some point I will meet someone else but I’m in no hurry for that.
My future looked in place but now it is open, everything has changed and that is upsetting and exciting at the same time. Only time will tell what the answer to that question mark and what new adventures and lessons await for me. So stick with me, I will carry on writing articles and we can all find out together what the future holds.
