The Stereotypical Gay
Growing up I can’t remember seeing anything but the ‘Stereotypical Gay’. He still exists. He is he camp, over the top, flamboyant, he loves fashion, he minced, has a limp wrist, talks in a certain way, has a female best friend, is good at dancing and slaps someone lightly and says ‘oh behave’.
I imagine it’s the same for lesbians, there’s the stereotypical view of a butch, ‘masculine’ looking woman and if they were in a relationship it was always with a “pretty girl”. As I get older and the more people in the LGBT community I know, the more I realise that there actually isn’t a stereotypical gay guy or girl or anything else for that matter, there are just people.
Let’s look at me compared to the stereotype; I’m not camp, although apparently I sound it when I say the words ‘hi’ or ‘hiya’, I like football (soccer), I like cars (aesthetics rather than mechanics), I generally wear jeans and a t-shirt or jeans and a hoodie and I have no interest in fashion. I like rock music, my favourite band is the Foo Fighters, I love the Harry Potter series, the Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Wars, I have friends who are girls but I don’t have a bff who’s a girl. When you look at the comparison, I’m not really very stereotypical. No wonder it took me so long to workout my sexuality.
My husband, Stuie, is similar to me in some respects. He is probably more prone to being deemed camp then I am. He doesn’t like football but he loves athletics, he also likes cars, rock music (including Foo Fighters which was a big relief at the early stages of dating). He also loves musicals and songs from musicals, the majority of the time I get in the car and have to turn it over from the musicals radio station he has discovered! He’s similar to me in the clothes that he prefers to wear. He is a massive film enthusiast and we have pretty much similar taste in films apart from when it comes to horror; he likes it, I don’t. He has more characteristics which are deemed to be stereotypical but as he says himself, he is Stuie. That’s all.
I have other gay friends and none of them conform to the stereotype of a gay man. I do think the stereotype is changing. I think straight people are realising that there actually isn’t a stereotype, just people. The problem, especially for people like myself who grew up in the 80’s and 90’s, and for people born earlier, is the stereotype that we were exposed to from the media.
The typical gay men on the TV were so blatantly gay it’s as if they had the neon sign above their heads saying ‘I’M A HOMO!’. Nowadays TV is changing and not only that but you have social media where you are exposed to so many gay men, all of them different. It also helps that more people are comfortable to come out and be who they are. Guys now know that you don’t have to be camp to be gay.
It isn’t just about characteristics either, there is also a stereotype of how a gay man looks. Not only is there a stereotype, there are stereotypes within the stereotype. Like a gay man kaleidoscope. You have your twink, Bear, cub, gym bunny, dilf and so many more. If I was to describe what each of these labels look like I would need a whole new article, just google them (Might not be safe for work and you may get sites you do not want to look at if you are straight!). You are expected to fit one of these or the many other labels that come with being a gay man, and you end up you trying to match your body type to the label and see where you fit in. Is that really healthy?
I’m not saying that the exposure to a variety of gay men makes it easier to come out, but I think if I was growing up now I’d find it easier to accept myself which is one of the hardest parts, if not the hardest part, of coming out.
The biggest lesson I have learnt is people are just people. We come in all shapes and sizes, race’s, personalities and all the other qualities that make us human beings. Some people are camp and do match the stereotype which is absolutely fine, you are who you are. Some of us don’t which is absolutely fine. Everyone is different and we need to embrace that and not pigeon-hole people into being a certain way just because of one particular aspect of their life.
