Do You Want Your Transgender Teen to be Homeless?
Your acceptance may be the only thing keeping them safe.
Too many transgender youths are homeless and they deserve better.
When my son told me he was transgender I had no idea what that meant. It hasn’t been easy for this cisgender mom to know how best to help her trans son. It is only because of the help of medical professionals that I have any insight or understanding at all.
As parents, we all want what’s best for our kids. No parent wants their kid to be transgender because we all know most transgender individuals have it more difficult than many others. We don’t want our kids to be discriminated against, marginalized, or suffer at the hand of violence or abuse.
Maybe this is why some parents refuse to accept their kids as transgender. The negative ramifications that could ultimately affect their lives are just too much to consider. Or maybe these unaccepting parents worry more about their own personal embarrassment as if having a transgender child is something to be ashamed of.
Maybe the steep learning curve ahead of these moms and dads feels too difficult to navigate and so they simply refuse to even try to understand what their kid might be feeling and experiencing. Maybe their chosen religious beliefs hold them back from loving their child for who they truly are.
Maybe these parents dismiss it as just another phase their teenager is going through and refuse to take it seriously. Or maybe these ignorant parents believe being transgender is a choice and that their kid simply needs to choose differently.
All of these ‘reasons’ are simply excuses though.
Excuses to spout in order to avoid doing the work of being a good parent. If you choose one of these ‘reasons,’ you’re expressing to your child they don’t matter as much as your excuse.
It’s difficult for me to think of any real reasons why a parent would reject their child. Anything I imagine just seems insignificant in comparison with choosing to love and accept my kid regardless of how they identify.
I’ve learned a lot over the last decade and I can attest that love and acceptance have helped me understand my transgender son more than anything else.
All kids crave their parents’ love and acceptance. Trans youth are no different. Rather, I believe they are in need of our support even more so due to the transphobia that plagues too many communities and countries in this world.
So many transgender teens are left to fend for themselves because their families refuse to love them for their true individuality without judgment and condemnation. Some run away out of fear due to threats of violence or abuse. Others are physically kicked out of their homes, being tossed away as if no one cares for them or loves them.
It’s heartbreaking to realize these trans kids feel it would be better to be homeless. It’s sickening to think some parents are literally throwing out their children like trash.
29% of LGBTQ youth have experienced homelessness, been kicked out, or run away . And of those LGBTQ youth who have been kicked out of their homes, 50% are transgender or nonbinary. — The Trevor Project
There are more than 1.6 million homeless youth in the U.S. and as much as 40% of them identify as LGBT while they are just 7% of the total youth population. And although there are multiple contributing factors that influence homelessness — discrimination, criminalization, and acts of violence for instance — family rejection is one factor that is within our control as parents of these young people.
Family rejection also directly affects suicide rates, self-harm, illegal drug use, unsafe sexual practices, and depression in teens and young adults. Accepting your child regardless of their sexuality or gender expression greatly reduces these negative and sometimes lethal probabilities.
We can not reject our kids if we want them to stay safe. As parents, we need to support our teens and help them understand how to be the best human being possible while living their most authentic lives.
We can’t do this if we toss them out on the streets or reject them enough that they run away seeking acceptance elsewhere.
If you love your transgender kid, tell them. Show them. Let there be no doubt in their mind that they are loved and accepted for who they are.
It is our responsibility as parents to show our children how to be caring, responsible, authentic adults. It is also our responsibility to keep our kids safe.
Zada Kent is co-founder of LGBTQueer-ies and proud parent to her transgender son. Here are 10 Questions Every Parent Should Ask Their Transgender Teen.
