PreTransition Pictures — To Display or Discard?
Navigating the everyday reminders your child is transgender.
At the beginning of my transgender son’s transition, gender dysphoria had a much stronger hold on him than it does now. He has learned coping skills from his gender therapist and has been on hormone therapy for a few years. Both of these have helped him navigate his gender dysphoria. Yet we still have very few early photographs of him displayed in our home.
Gender dysphoria can be a real issue for many transgender folks. Essentially it’s the feeling of your physical body not matching up with the gender you are. It can cause depression, anxiety, feelings of self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.
More than half of transgender and nonbinary youth have seriously considered suicide — The Trevor Project National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health 2020.
Like many transgender folks, when my son saw old photographs of himself his gender dysphoria felt triggered. He saw pictures that didn’t coincide with who he is. Pictures that actually contradicted in many ways his true authentic self. Keeping old photos on display around our home — the one place my kid should feel completely safe, happy, and healthy — seemed, at the very least, risky.
Mirrors had an even stronger effect on him because he felt it was reflecting a false identity in real-time. It’s one thing to have feelings of regret about one’s past, it’s another to have that heartache tied to your present.
One of the ways I tried to help him in the beginning, was by removing any photographs of him. As much as I loved seeing the pictures of him playing outside, blowing out birthday candles, and making a snowman, they were a source of contention for him. So into a shoebox, they went. Because the decorative mirrors also had a triggering effect on him, they were stowed away as well.
My son’s gender therapist has helped him sort through his thoughts and feelings making him more aware of his own mental health. And hormone therapy has transformed him physically enough that he feels more confident in his appearance.
But these two coping mechanisms do not erase gender dysphoria for him. It waits in the background ready to spread like oil throughout his mind at the sight or thought of any significant trigger. My son told me it’s a daily struggle — some days are easier than others. Most mornings he awakes with gender dysphoria already pervading his mind. Those days become a continuous struggle to keep it from dictating his emotions and actions.
I will never truly understand how gender dysphoria affects one’s mind because I am not transgender. But I can sympathize with someone dealing with something so cruel — whispering thoughts of self-harm and suicide. My own experience with suicidal thoughts (due to a side effect from medication) lasted less than a week. Those with gender dysphoria deal with it every single day.
Gender dysphoria is harmful to a person’s mental health at the very least and potentially lethal in many individuals if not treated in some way. Removing some family photos off my walls — as well as a few decorative mirrors — seemed like an easy price to pay for my son’s mental well-being.
Even as a young adult now, he still avoids mirrors as much as possible. I’m happy to report though, my son is much more relaxed about photographs today. When we peruse old family photo albums he jokingly refers to his pre-transition pictures as his ‘drag queen days.’ He’ll point to his three-year-old self and say, “Look at how fabulous I am there! I really knew how to work it!”
Here are 10 Questions Every Parent Should Ask Their Transgender Teen. Zada Kent is co-founder of LGBTQueer-ies & proud parent to her transgender son.
