LGBTQueer-ies
They Got Married and Nobody Came
Their happiness isn’t determined by what’s in the groom’s pants.
The wedding ceremony was short and very sweet. The groom’s fidgety hands and exuberant chatter clearly expressed his excitement. The bride’s beauty was highlighted with her constant smile.
The entire event seemed very typical until I looked around the gallery. It was completely empty. My son and I were the only attendees at this blissful event — and I was only there because my son needed a ride.
Where are all the family members and friends who know these two young adults much better than I do?
They’re a cute couple, both grinning from ear to ear in front of the judge. The groom had tears in his eyes when he spoke his vows. The bride kept fanning herself with a small bouquet of flowers trying to keep her tears from ruining her makeup.
I didn’t know either of these young adults very well. I only met the bride an hour before we walked into the courthouse. The groom was a new friend of my son’s and had been to our home only a handful of times.
Both of them seemed like well-adjusted, happy individuals who were excited about their futures together. After they exchanged vows and thanked the judge (who was amazingly happy and excited as well), we walked out of the courtroom and I discovered there was no reception to follow. The young couple had expected only my son to attend their joyous event. Neither of their families supported their union because the groom is transgender.
The Human Rights Campaign Foundation has collected several studies showing the relevance of family and social support for LGBTQ youth. One such study by Dr. Caitlin Ryan was published in the Journal of Child and Psychiatric Nursing. It shares the effect of family acceptance.
“LGBTQ youth with the least accepting families were more than three times as likely to consider and attempt suicide compared to those with highly accepting families.”
The groom, Steven, came out to his family over six years ago. He was immediately cut out of their lives and became a homeless teen for a while. He only recently started talking to his younger sister again. She told him she couldn’t attend his wedding though because of their parents.
The bride, Journey, had no family support for her wedded bliss because she fell in love with a trans-man — an abomination according to her parents.
These young adults had no family support yet they were gushing with happiness. Gushing with excitement. Gushing with love for one another.
Above all the discrimination and hate, these two lovely young people chose happiness.
I am extremely proud my son suggested we throw an impromptu reception at our home later that evening. He invited some friends (many who are part of the LGBTQ community) to attend, as well as a few of our family members who are passionate advocates. Everyone brought a dish to share and we made the cute couple a rainbow cake. The food was delicious and the conversation was enjoyable.
I’ll always remember the support our family and friends showed to two strangers just starting out together. It’s inspiring.
Everyone in this world yearns for acceptance. It breaks my heart to think they might not be able to get that from those closest to them.
The mental health statistics applicable to these two newlyweds are alarming. According to The Trevor Project’s website, suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people ages 10 to 24. And this distressing fact only gets worse when you focus on the LGBTQ community.
“LGB youth who come from highly rejecting families are 8.4 times as likely to have attempted suicide as LGB peers who reported no or low levels of family rejection.”
Acceptance costs us nothing but kindness.
And kindness is free.
Zada Kent is co-founder of LGBTQueer-ies where the focus is on education to foster understanding, acceptance, and equality of all human beings, and proud parent to her young adult transgender son. For all parents of transgender kids here are 10 Questions Every Parent Should Ask Their Transgender Teen.
