What to do when you feel trapped
Is it just one of those days? Maybe you’re just going through the motions, plowing through emails or drink orders until you can relax in front of the TV. Or maybe you’re spinning wheels in your head, dreading the commitment you made to hang with a new friend tonight.
Take this tension as a sign, not another reason to judge yourself — I shouldn’t be this way.
As spiritual teacher David Deida writes in Blue Truth, “You are refusing some experience, resisting some person, or trying to avoid some feeling.”
Noticing this trapped feeling is half the battle. From there, you’ve just got to muster the will to take a moment to care for yourself. Carve out 10–15 minutes to meditate — right now, if you’ve got no responsibilities to attend to. Breathe. Feel your body. Relax any tension. Keep your back straight while relaxing your front. This tweet from Zen teacher Roshi Joan Halifax sums it up:
With a little space and ease it becomes easier to investigate what or who you’re avoiding. It’s not about facing head on whatever or whoever you’re avoiding. True bravery isn’t white knuckled brute strength. It’s about seeing your relationship to whatever or whoever you’re avoiding in the present moment — seeing reality as it is and staying with it, not tuning out or grabbing a beer to avoid it.
Say you’re avoiding a tough conversation with your lover. The spark is gone, and the whole thing feels like a burden. The point here isn’t that you must confront your lover tonight rather than watch TV. The point is that you’ve got to face yourself — what do you feel about the situation? When you think of your lover does your breath get short and your stomach clench? If so, you’ve got some work to do. Meditation can help, as it always does, but there likely are deeper currents and patterns that need to be dealt with through therapy or talking with a close friend.
Ultimately, it may just be one of those days. Try to do your best to open, even when the trapped feeling seems unbearable. Keep practicing and give tomorrow your best shot.
