What Will Make Me Quit Smoking?
I smoke. A lot. In fact, I smoke so many blu e-cigarettes that 95% of the air I breath enters my lungs through thin black mentholated tubes. I’m currently averaging two e-cigarettes a day — the equivalent of two packs — and I really need to quit.
It’s not the shameful cost of ordering hundreds of e-cigarettes online that will make me quit smoking. Nor will it be my nemesis the No Smoking sign that scolds me wherever I stand still in a public space. It’s not the convenience of having an object in my hand to whip at UBER when they nearly kill me running red lights.
The accidental beaver dam of a bed I wake up in each morning should have forced me to quit but I’ve convincingly rationalized it to both myself and the men I date as some sort of feral bohemian charm. Likewise, I certainly won’t miss the nearly empty cartridges that require sucking so hard it should pay my rent. It’s not the mercy I’ll show my favorite affectation when I retire it from a lifetime of dedication to a thankless job with a grueling schedule.
What will make me quit smoking? Lying in bed alone on a beautiful Sunday afternoon enduring the mind numbing data entry of pecking hundreds of blu rewards into a website as Lana Del Rey drones away on Spotify somewhere and my mind, with so much free time, questioning every decision I’ve ever made in life. This is what will make me quit smoking.
