Is Chivalry a Red Flag?
Why opening doors for a woman and paying for her meal could signal problems ahead…
I’ve never been big on chivalry. Even as a teenager, the time in my life when I was most captivated by romantic delusions, I didn’t see much use for it. It seemed very sweet in books and movies, but in my own life, I saw it as unnecessary.
It all felt very arbitrary to me. I could open doors, after all. Why was a man suddenly supposed to do it if he happened to be present? Having someone pull out and push in my chair at a restaurant felt a little excessive to me. And a man helping me take off my jacket or put it back on? I remember the first time it happened, how confused I felt. What was the purpose of it? Was I supposed to be too weak to do it on my own?
I want to be clear, however, that these were questions, a sense of confusion. I did not condemn chivalry, nor think there was anything particularly wrong with it. I just didn’t understand it and something about it made me feel uncomfortable.
But I’d seen what men say to women who decline having doors opened for them. Those women were bitches. Feminist cunts. Uppity shrews who had to make an issue out of everything.
Well, I wasn’t going to be that woman. I didn’t want men talking about me like that. Further, they…
