Who Is to Blame When Things Go Wrong in a Relationship?
Is it possible to fairly divvy up the responsibility? Or does that even matter?
When my ex walked away from our 7-year relationship, I was convinced it was my fault. In fact, I happily took full responsibility for everything. And I mean everything.
It seemed entirely reasonable. I’ve always noticed that there’s a point in a relationship where both people decide to move forward. That point where things are forever changed, regardless of how everything turns out. That point where you are no longer friends or acquaintances, but two people exploring sex or love or both.
When I distill a relationship back down to that moment, I always find that there’s no other option than for me to blame myself. Because, after all, I opted in.
In the case of my relationship with Lee, I had serious doubts as we approached that fork in the road. We’d been flirting for months, but he was 9 years younger than I was. That (theoretically) made me the more mature one, certainly the more experienced one, and my experience told me he might not be interested in what I wanted — marriage and parenthood.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t seem to stop myself from falling for him. I was so crazy about him — so, so in love. Even with all the…
