Why I Pick a Word of the Year
And why this is more empowering than setting resolutions I probably won’t keep
The first time I picked a “word of the year” was for 2015. My ex had just run off with a young woman a few months prior, my dog was dying, I was facing a financial disaster that Former Partner had left me with and I was struggling to get up and face each day. It felt like my life had become so dark.
I suppose it seems natural that I became obsessed with the word LIGHT and all its associated symbolism in November 2014. I needed help. I couldn’t see two inches in front of me.
A friend and I took some test shots for my website out in the woods — me and my lantern. I thought it would be appropriate to refresh my brand using the symbolism of lanterns. (This was right before I created the first batch of Little Red Riding Hood photographs.)
Sure enough, choosing that word for the year really got me through the awful months that followed. I got a new job that I kinda hated for the first year I was there, my mom’s dog and my dog died that spring, I lost my house and had to move into a sketchy neighborhood, and I missed my ex every single day that year. But I kept focusing on the lanterns, on the word LIGHT, and I knew things would be brighter again someday.
The next year, 2016, I chose the word SURRENDER. I didn’t really want to — who the hell wants to surrender? But I felt the universe was asking me to do that. You know…I surrendered to choosing that word.
The truth was, I had tried so hard for years to impose my will on the circumstances of my life. And look how well that had turned out! I wasn’t at all happy with the way things were going, either. I really didn’t want to face any of it.
But I felt powerless to stop it. It felt the same as watching my ex walk out our door for the very last time and standing there next to my dog, who was clearly upset and confused. We just stood there for the longest time, not knowing what to do, what to think. I knew I couldn’t stop it from happening.
Maybe I needed a break from the fight. Maybe the idea of surrender was appealing just in that context. If I couldn’t stop it, wouldn’t it be a gift to myself to just let it happen?
And that was that. I gave up setting goals. I gave up fighting. I gave up trying to have things go my way. I did my best to surrender.
A year later, I was so over SURRENDER. I missed making goals. I missed trying to exert my will. I missed action. I decided to make a 180 and I chose POWER as my 2017 word. I wanted to be composed. Decisive. Strong. Confident.
You know what I did that year? I bought a house. All by myself. In an impossible housing market on a nonprofit salary that was just below my county’s definition of poverty. I found my queendom and it felt amazing.
Interestingly, that year ended on a dark note for me. That was the first time I realized how bad my dad’s health was — he got into a car accident just before Christmas, and I found out about the accident hours after adopting a new dog. I was already overwhelmed with emotion about the dog (I hadn’t fully gotten over the death of my last dog and I had no idea what I was going to do with a dog who would be home alone all the time while I was at work). After hearing about my dad and going through a week of anxiety attacks that were inspired by his health problems and my overwhelm about the dog, I finally decided to return the dog to the shelter.
I was devastated. Those events triggered a major depressive episode for me, the last one I’ve had of late, and it took me three months to be able to pull myself out of that hole.
I already knew in December that my job was taking a major toll on my mental and physical health. I couldn’t handle the stress anymore, especially with the issues surrounding my dad. I knew I had to find a way to quit and start freelancing, as I’d dreamed of doing, and with that in mind, I chose LEAP as my word for 2018.
Guess what I did that year? I jumped right off that cliff. On September 28th, I walked out of that office for the last time, tears in my eyes. I was sad, but also exhilarated about what my future might hold.
Knowing how much I had buried myself in work since my ex left, I decided it was time to get re-centered in 2019. I chose the word PRESENCE.
I don’t know what to say about that at this point. Sometimes, I don’t notice that my year was in alignment with my word until six months later. Honestly, I feel I’ve failed at PRESENCE this year.
Freelancing has been much scarier than I ever imagined. And add to that finding an audience for my most personal writing… While incredibly satisfying, that’s also been very disorienting. I get a lot of feedback now — the good and the ugly, the kind and the cruel. And that’s not to mention the way it has, let’s say, brought me to other people’s attention in ways I’d prefer to avoid.
In response to all this fear, instability, and the wave of communication coming at me these days, I’m afraid I have been distracted, overwhelmed, and not present, at all.
And yet…I suppose I could at least say that I have been present enough to pen some of the most personal things I’ve ever written. And present enough to make some very difficult decisions that I had to make in recent months. So maybe it wasn’t a total bust.
What will I pick for 2020? I mean, this is a whole new decade. I feel a little bit of pressure to come up with something extra good. Extra powerful. Something worthy of ringing in this new era.
Truthfully, I’ve been playing with the idea of using DARE as my word. As in:
- Dare to say what you’ve never said before.
- Dare to love people in ways you’ve never loved them before.
- Dare to be more vulnerable than you’ve ever been.
- Dare to wear clothing that actually fits you.
- Dare to let people see and hear you.
- Dare to find ways to seek out more pleasure.
- Dare to say yes.
- Dare to be real.
- Dare to leave your comfort zone.
Do I have the guts to choose this?
There are a few other words I’d like to consider, as well, but the fact that I cannot recall them as I write this seems significant. You’d think I would remember them if they truly resonated with me.
There is just a little bit of time left, however, to choose, so I will give this a little more thought before I decide.
All I know is, I really enjoy this practice. I like how it guides me through the unknowns of each year and gives me a way to contextualize the events of my life.
Do you choose a word for each new year? If so, what’s your word for 2020?
© Yael Wolfe 2019
If you like my work and want to stay updated, click here to subscribe to my newsletter.
