Home Sweet Home
Finding belonging after a devastating loss
Today I sat in the grass at my mom’s gravesite. This is not an unknown occurrence for me, but one I have found myself in many times over the past few years. Something, however, about today felt different. Maybe it was because I have been feeling more disconnected from her as the years go on. Whatever it was, I felt different.
Grief often causes us to reflect on our past. Lately, I have spent time reflecting on family. My mother was a single mom. Growing up, I spent most of my time with her and my sister. She had created a home for us where we belonged. Family has a way of developing a sense of belonging and comfort, unlike anyone else. But, how to we keep that sense of belonging when the people who created it die?
In many ways I find that the harder parts of my grief are woven within the four walls of the home I grew up in. That was a place I felt like I belonged to, with the people I felt the most attached to. Now, that home belongs to someone else and I will never step foot in it again. Until I got a place of my own, I didn’t feel like I had a home. I lived places, with family and with friends, but I didn’t feel like I was at home, because the person who made it home was still gone.
The question of my grief soon became: “How do I find belonging after a devastating loss?” That answer is found in one place — Jesus.
Identity is a huge piece of grief. We can so often lose ourselves to pain and suffering. We must flip the lens to our Creator. Without our identity firmly rooted in Christ, we will become one with our grief, with our addiction, with our pain, with our brokenness. Without Christ, we are the things of this broken world. With Christ we are made new, we are healed, redeemed, forgiven and taken care of. We belong to him. We are home.
My loss was a catalyst in my relationship with Christ. Before losing my mother, I passively believed in God, but I didn’t really feel like I needed Him. Since my loss, I have searched and found a rooted identity and it is there where I have found healing. I have healed through past hurts, and I have the means of healing through my loss.
Grief is an ongoing healing process. It is lifelong. On this Earth, I will always feel the pain of my grief and the current effects it has on my life. But, I have the means of healing because of whose I am — because of who I belong to.
There are always things that are hard when it comes to my grief. I will always miss my mother. The world will never feel quite right without her in it. But, there is belonging. There is home. There is family. There is love. I rest in that today.
“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:2–3 (NASB)
