It’s Sunny, but I’m not Happy

Grief during the summer

Summer is a time of fun and joy. It’s full of laughter, vacations, adventures, sunshine and ice cream. For the majority of people it is their favorite season, due to the pool parties, cookouts, and long days in the sun with family and friends. But what happens when your grief hits you hard in the summer? When you’re actually sad during the “happy season?” Or when you dread family vacation this year instead of looking forward to it, because it means the first time you’ll all be going away with one less plane ticket, one less suitcase and one less person in the pictures.

You see, during winter it’s acceptable to curl up in your bed, or spend the day wrapped up in a blanket watching movies on your couch, or just to be sad and gloomy. A lot of people are a little blue during the winter, so it’s easier to fit in with the crowd. But during the summer, it’s all smiles as people break out the flip-flops and tank tops. No one wants to spend the warm sunny days inside on a couch, so instead you stick out like a sore thumb.

Summer grief is just as real, but in some ways it can feel a little harder to be grieving during this time of year. You look on Instagram and everyone is posting pictures of their amazing vacations, ice cream cones and pool trips. Everyone seems to be enjoying life…except you.

Sunshine usually equals happiness, yet you don’t feel happy right now and that just amplifies the feelings of loneliness. Instead of happiness you’re reminded that you’re missing the one person that you wish you could take a road trip or go to your favorite ice cream shop with. The void is more present.

If you’re going through summer grief know that I see you, and you are not alone. I am going through it too, for the second summer in a row. Summer is hard — it’s the last time I got to see my sister, the last memories I have with her, the last time I ever talked with her, hugged her or heard her laugh. It is also the anniversary of her death, and for the cherry on top, it just so happens to be when her birthday falls as well. That’s why summer can sometimes just down right suck for me.

I’m learning that it’s okay for it to suck. It’s okay for some days to be extra hard and sad, even if it’s a beautiful day that’s supposed to be filled with summer fun. Having a rough day doesn’t mean I’m going backwards or that I’m stuck in my grief; it simply means I’m a human who is missing someone they love. Beautiful days don’t negate the loss, pain and grief that you’re walking through. Yes, sometimes they help, but you don’t have to feel guilty if it doesn’t or even if it makes your grief feel worse in that moment.

Grief during the summer is rough. I’m sorry that you have to experience this too. But know that you don’t have to hide your sadness, simply because there are flowers and sunshine outside. It’s okay to cry even while eating an ice cream cone with sprinkles, and it’s also okay to simply spend a day inside if that’s what you need. Give yourself extra grace during this time and the space that you need. Grief sucks, and grief during the summer sucks even more.

Please reach out if you need to talk — and make sure you read this month’s newsletter for some tips on surviving grief during the summer.

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