Dec 10, 2020
How to set family rules for your family?
Children needs healthy guidelines to mature into strong and independent individuals.
Working with different families for the past nine years has been quite an adventure and has also provided me with many learning opportunities for growth, maturity, patience, understanding, and much more.
I have learned and studied ( I am still learning ) a lot when it comes to parenting. So far in my journey as a family assistant, nanny, and now a Certified Coach, I can honestly say that one of the main things that I got a clear understanding of was how crucial and definitive having “family rules” is for parents.
A family’s blueprint is their core foundation and vision; family rules are the daily plans that bring the vision to reality. The rules or guidelines are the primary vital elements that regularly help the family navigate different parenthood stages. Why are family rules important? Well, (family) rules, regulations, and boundaries ought to serve these explicit purposes:
- To keep the bad out and the good in.
- To protect and preserve what matters and separate what is not.
- To train, nurture, and prepare children for adulthood for the betterment of society and God’s glory.
As a society, we cannot function properly and effectively without clear rules, boundaries, and regulations. And when one of us decides to ignore, break, or disregard specific rules or boundaries, we learn the different consequences that come along with such a choice, whether now or years later.
Lawlessness or a life without healthy rules and boundaries to follow and live by always brings chaos, bondage, damaging results, and much more. Therefore as a parent having and setting family rules for your children is highly imperative.
How do you go about setting these rules? Before I begin with my tips, please keep in mind that your family rules will be a reflection of your belief systems, backgrounds, traditions, cultures, and a few more things that profoundly affect your life, whether you are aware of them or not.
That means every parent’s family rules will be different. And, of course, as a Parent Coach with a strong background of faith in God and Jesus, my best parenting tips and strategies will project this belief system.
Alright, now that we are clear about what the rules will look like, here are a few tips to help you set healthy and necessary family rules for your family in your parenting journey.
Step #1: Your sets of rules will reflect the type of parenting style you are practicing.
In the parenting world, there are mainly four types of parenting styles, I will go deeper in explaining the parenting styles in a different blog. Just be mindful of the styles:
- Parent-Centered
- Uninvolved
- Character-Centered
- Child-Centered
Whether you are aware of it or not, your parenting style affects your family rules and guidelines as a parent.
Step #2: Your rules should be age-appropriate.
Your children will have different love languages, enneagram numbers, interests, talents, gifts, and mindsets. Every child receives and experiences circumstances and scenarios differently, so as a parent, your rules and guidelines must be age-appropriate.
Step #3:Your rules should include your beliefs, values, and principles.
Who you are as an individual, your core values and beliefs will dictate how you set your family rules. Both you and your spouse need to be aware of the different views and values you both share and how that will impact your parenting journey.
Step #4: Be cautious not to have rules that have too low or too high of expectations for your children.
This step is essential to understand. One of the reasons for having family rules is to raise, prepare, and set your children up to become confident, booming, and independent assets to society and God’s glory.
Therefore, your family rules should be reasonable, balanced, and healthy for long-lasting, positive, and effective results.
- Have too high expectations, and you end up doing more harm than good and crush your children’s spirit with false guilt and perfectionism. Unhealthy expectations can also damage the relationship between parent and child. Which will then leave your children with low confidence and self-esteem in a very toxic, cut-throat, cats and dogs fight world.
- Have too low expectations, and you will set your children for failure in a very competitive and demanding corporate world. You will then leave your child with the mindset of mediocrity, laziness, lack of work ethic and diligence to face the real world.
Work together with your spouse to find a happy, healthy, and reasonable medium when it comes to your expectations and aspirations for your children while setting rules for your family.
Step #5: Your family rules should be very clear about who is in charge.
One way to avoid unnecessary, unpleasant, and stressful moments in your parenting journey is for parents to set the tone for a healthy sense of authority when it comes to the parent and child relationship. Failing to do that early on in your parenting will create room for many behavioral issues.
Step #6: Your rules should include healthy boundaries and limits.
What good are family rules if there are no healthy boundaries and regulations? Children thrive within healthy boundaries; boundaries and limits provide a sense of security and safety for children and help parents maintain the right balance in their parenting journey.
Step #7: Your family rules should be clear about respecting each other, healthy habits, and manners.
This step might sound obvious, but I have seen so many parents neglect and ignore the crucial concept of purposefully and regularly teach their children basic daily manners and habits to help build them into functional individuals to society.
Step #8:Your family rules should include everyday tasks necessary to be done by every family member daily.
Learning simple life skills such as cooperation, responsibility, and work ethic are essential for raising children who will become independent, responsible, and successful.
Family rules are for shaping, training, equipping, and setting your children up to function properly and successfully in society later on. Children are what they live; they are like sponges soaking in on everything around them. Therefore it would be wise for you as a parent to purposefully have family rules to serve as standard guidelines to raise your children.
Until next time,
Krysty.
