Signs to be aware of when you are considering dating and marrying someone.

Who you choose to make life with is very crucial for the well being of your life in all aspects. Therefore choose wisely.

This is part 1 in a series I call: “ Intentionally Dating”.

*Reconsider if he/she is not remorseful and repentant about past mistakes, current actions, and behaviors that are disrespectful, hurtful, and inconsiderate.

George Washington once said, “It is better to be alone than in bad company.”

Have you ever met someone with an arrogant attitude so disturbing and rude that you found yourself continually avoiding them, let alone having to talk to them?

An arrogant and boastful person tends to ignore their actions and be in denial when confronted about their conduct. On many accounts, I witnessed different scenarios where I had to analyze the situation and take notes for the future and avoid repeating the same mistakes in future relationships.

I knew one particular guy, and we will call him Steve, who was very talented and skilled in many areas; he also was not shy about his accomplishments. I always felt uncomfortable and intimidated talking to him, not because I was not confident in what I had to say, but just that his arrogance was very bothersome.

I happened to be in the car with Steve and his wife, which we will call Lisa, one day after lunch. We were chatting about different music types when Steve, who was the driver, drove abruptly over a curb; the sudden movement shocked his wife, who screamed. What followed left me very perplexed and heartbroken.

And the idea of my future husband treating me the way he treated her frightened me as well. So after she screamed, Steve turned to her and said, “Why are you yelling like a baby for, it was just a curb; stop being so dramatic?”

At that moment, all I was thinking was, “how could he be so inconsiderate”? Why couldn’t he says, “I am sorry honey, I did not see the curb, my bad,” especially knowing that someone else (me) was in the car with them? With Steve’s reaction, Lisa, still holding her chest, replied with a simple “leave me alone”!

We drove the rest of the trip quietly; Steve did not even try to apologize to Lisa nor me for that matter; that was the end of it! Would you be alright with Steve’s reaction if he was your husband?

A couple of months later, I was invited over to Steve’s house for dinner; another good friend of Lisa was there. Steve was the “chef” for the night ( a skill that he is quite good at), he was cooking a seafood dish, and sometimes before we started to eat, I heard Steve asked his wife why she was not making a plate for herself, to which Lisa answered, “You know I do not like seafood, anyway it’s fine I have some work to finish, you guys can eat without me.” Steve then replied, “It’s not like you are allergic to seafood, do whatever you wish; I am going to enjoy my dinner.”

Both the other girl and I heard the argument from the dining room, and a few moments later, Steve came into the room and said: “dinner is ready, guys”! We made our plates and sat down to eat and pretended we heard nothing, and Steve started to eat and dove right in talking about his current project at work with great enthusiasm.

I was embarrassed for Lisa. Not long after, she came into the dining room pouring wine into a glass and join in the conversation laughing at a joke her friend made.

Since these two incidents, I had come up with my conclusion concerning this couple:

• Lisa was accustomed to this kind of behavior from her husband and was unwilling or ready to put her foot down and draw the line, although she knows that Steve’s actions and words are hurtful.
• On the other hand, Steve feels very comfortable being completely disrespectful, arrogant, and inconsiderate toward his wife in public and private. He has no remorse because no one and especially his wife made it clear that his actions are hurtful and disrespectful.

I went ahead and concluded that Lisa might not have shared with Steve that his attitude toward her on certain occasions hurt her profoundly, and if she did, then Steve does not respect her as an individual, let alone as his wife.

You might think what happened in this scenario was not a big issue. Still, after witnessing this kind of attitude and behavior in Steve, I would not tolerate similar character traits in my future husband. It is also important to understand that Steve did not just wake up one day after marriage and decided to exhibit such rude and hurtful behavior.

Such behaviors happened gradually, with his wife not letting him know that he is crossing limits and overstepping her boundaries. Boundaries she might not be aware she needs nor knowing she desperately needs to set up and stand firm on guarding her limits. No one needs to tell us we are being disrespected and violated. It is something we sort of know and feel deep down our gut.

This particular marital problem taught me a couple of things:

• People who show no remorse and regret about their unhealthy, destructive actions and behaviors are often very arrogant, without empathy or consideration for others.
• Such individuals are very selfish. They always blame others for their actions; they rarely apologize.
• Behavior tolerated will be repeated.
• We are all individually responsible for letting others know our boundaries.

It is tough to live a respectful and peaceful life with someone that repeatedly hurt and jeopardize the relationship with an attitude of arrogance and pride.

Being married to a man like Steve would be very hard for me to feel loved, appreciated, heard, and understood in the relationship. I am not, by all means, saying that Steve is the worst husband someone can have. I am saying that this specific behavior and mindset that Steve display is unhealthy for any relationship and would be a deal-breaker for me.

As I write about this blog, the main thing here was really the attitude of pride, arrogance, and disrespect, so I thought of two Bible verses concerning pride and arrogance.

1. “Pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18
2. “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.” (Proverbs 27:2)

Living life on purpose is wise. Being proactive by detecting early signs that will potentially cause major problem in your marriage while dating is not only smart but wise as well.

So, In conclusion, keep in mind that if there is no sincere and honest remorse or regret expressed for past and present actions, behaviors, and words, the offense will occur on a daily routine. It will not be wise to overlook such an attitude and mindset while in a relationship before marriage, for you will have a hard time dealing with this issue after marriage.

Until next time,

with love,

Krysty.