What’s The Point of Being Right?: A Perspective on Loving & YOLO-ing
It’s 1.28AM on a Thursday and I just came back from a funeral. My grandmother’s sister passed away and I took my grandmother earlier tonight to see her beloved sister. Losing a sibling, regardless of age, is still.. well… hard.
The emotions I felt from her was sadness of course. She’s grieving. I am sensing a tinge of regret. Perhaps from past arguments that she had with her sister and the inability to make amends or peace with her sister anymore. This happened to many of us. We all had that.
If only we had one more chance to say it.
“Sorry”.
“I love you”.
Many relationships, whatever shape or form (romantic, partnership, marriage, friendship, families, marriages, workplace colleagues, etc.), struggle because people can’t get over some arguments or debates.
Sometimes the arguments can take place for years and you actually forgot what you were arguing about in the first place. Or you forgot the reasons why you have stopped talking to each other. Why you fought. Then some relationships end.. sometimes by breakups, by death, by moving away.
It hits me again and again.
I’m being reminded again of this lesson:
When it comes to love, I really can’t give a damn to be right.
What the hell is “right” anyway?
Who decides? Based on whose criteria? You can rationalize anything to your death.
And what really was the point of it all?
We argue so that we can win. Or we can get to an agreement. Usually, it involves a long debate about who’s wrong and who’s right. The person in the wrong apologizes. The person who’s right gets to be smug about it. Or something like that.
Why would I care so much about being right?
What is the point of being right when you ended up hurting the person that you love?
Why should we ever find satisfaction when the person we love says “Hey, you’re right, I’m wrong, and I’m sorry”? What’s the point?
What I realized is that the stories we tell ourselves and others are just the fluff. The thinking. The stuff. The rationalizations. The arguments. Fluff.
We forgot that when we love someone, nothing else matters. Yep, people screw up. People get hurt. Yes, it is what it is. It was what it was. At some point, you probably have screwed things up to. We’re all trying here.
Lately, when I have arguments with people I love, this is the first thing I would say to that person:
“I’m sorry that you feel hurt”. That’s it. Full stop.
I don’t care what comes up after that, why he/she did it, what actually happened, etc.
I just feel sorry that this person I love is hurting.
Isn’t the whole point of relationship to feel good about each other? To enjoy each other’s company? To love one another? To kick-ass together?
How will that ever be achieved by making someone feel even worse about themselves? And by trying to win the argument?
I’ve learned a lot tonight from my grandmother. She did reach out. She & her sister do love each other. Even when you’re 90-something & 80-something, sisterhood remains.
Life is way too amazing for all of this crap. You only live once (depending on what you believe in.. at least in this form, this lifetime). YO effing LO.
Seriously, why wait?
When you love, forget the fluff, just do exactly that.. love. When you dust all the fluff away, love is all there is.
Love like a mother****er.
Farina Situmorang is based in Jakarta, Indonesia. Farina is the CEO & Co-founder at Catalyst Strategy, Indonesia’s most joyful company (she self-proclaimed this, of course).
