Showcasing The Right Amount of Honesty: Is Being Too Honest Not Nice?
You should always try to be brutally honest. Terms and conditions do apply, though.
For those who grew up with a strong Eastern culture, we are taught to avoid confrontation at all costs: that nothing good can come out of conflict. We are taught to internalize this idea at home, at school, and now that we’re all grown up — even at work.
Having experienced most of our lives avoiding conflict, we beg the question: should we maintain neutrality? Is it good for ourselves and the people around us?
Being neutral, while comfortable for most people, will not improve our situation. Telling the honest-to-goodness truth will definitely help you, but only if it is followed with empathy.
For starters, Kim Scott’s Radical Candor matrix could help us map where we are in terms of honesty and guide us to real honesty.
When faced with a stubborn colleague, often the first instinct we have is to challenge them directly. Arguing without understanding where the person is coming from though, is very unproductive. The other person would most likely see you as being obnoxiously aggressive and would dismiss constructive criticism you might be offering.
On the other side of the axis, when you continue to praise another member of your team even when their work is going off the rails, it will do more harm than good. In this case, trying to protect the other person’s feelings will lead to ruinous empathy.
Balancing between the two requires us to be confrontational while still caring personally for the other person. When you spot someone who needs a wake up call, whether that be at work, at home, or among your peer groups, tell them directly but also remember to put yourself in their shoes before going off at them.
Being honest sometimes could be seen as cruel, or mean. But when you know it is necessary for the growth of the other person, or the team, then you should embrace the Radical Candor in you and let the Ripple Effect work its magic.
