The Power of Self-Acceptance
A little over a year ago, after a roller coaster ride of emotionally draining periods throughout my life, I was diagnosed with chronic depression.
Being in my 30’s, this diagnosis, albeit a feeling of relief to know what was going on in my body, felt terrifying, daunting, and honestly, incredibly heavy. My first thought was “How am I going to navigate something that has been weighing me down, for what feels like my entire life?”
Consistent therapy has given me the space to learn about myself and come to accept this is part of who I am. It’s not some problem I can just fix.
There is a severe misconception around depression being in ‘your head’ or ‘it’s just feelings of sadness that will go away when you do something you enjoy.’ No one wants to talk about it, but everyone wants it to go away.
But depression is, in fact, a medical condition.
Depression can look different for everyone. Fatigue, irritability, sleep disturbances, persistent aches and pains, and appetite changes are just some of depressions symptoms. It can be triggered by the season, postpartum, a stressful event, or any other situation. It can be short-lived and only a day or for weeks at a time.
For me, with chronic depression, I have cycles where I feel incredibly hopeless. I can experience the lowest self-esteem. I lack energy and the ability to do the things I usually enjoy. I become extremely negative– not just about myself but also the things around me, and can lean on food or alcohol to bring me ‘joy.’ I feel stuck in a hole and unsure how to crawl my way back up. It’s debilitating.
Although it’s a continuing work in progress for me as I navigate depression, I’ve been able to build a toolbox, where I listen to my body instead of fighting it. This includes getting vitamin D and making sure I get proper nutrition. The most powerful thing for me, though, has been positive affirmations.
But most importantly, I’ve worked to accept and realize that it’s okay to not be okay. Everyone is dealing with stuff too. And everyone is valuable, even at our low points, despite everything we are each dealing with.
After being able to accept myself, I have been able to finally open up and share myself with others.
Recently, I had the opportunity, and the courage, to share my journey with depression at our company offsite in March. This was in front of a room of 200 coworkers from all parts of the world.
I am on the People and Operations team in the Denver Office and a familiar face across the company. I play a large part in new hire onboarding, employee engagement, employee benefits, and am often the ‘hype person’ of the office. It’s part of my role to make sure our team is supported and taken care of, and it means I often need to put on a brave face, even if I don’t want to.
And so, because of my role, sharing such a personal story was incredibly scary. There is no other way to put it. I have always kept my personal and professional lives separate. In my past work experiences, I’ve shown a bit of myself to my colleagues, but not anything as vulnerable as my experience battling depression. However, knowing my role at Propeller and how closely I work with everyone across the business, it was important for me to open up and show my more ‘human’ side.
What I’ve realized through my journey is that this is part of who I am. It doesn’t define me. If I want to be my authentic self at work– and always — I need to embrace all of myself.
If Propeller’s values include being open and embracing authenticity as humans, Propeller should also be embracing all of me, correct?
Well, I was absolutely overwhelmed by the response to sharing my story. Little o’ me felt heard and more connected to every person in my company.
So many team members offered thoughts of resonation to my story, general notions of how courageous I was, and words of gratefulness that I was able to share something that we can all relate to personally or know someone dealing with something.
To be honest, I was the one feeling grateful that I work for a company where I can be open. I feel like it’s truly rare that you can work at a company that embraces such vulnerability, and you can share personal experiences without judgment.
Propeller is that place. Our company is full of smart, hardworking, and fun people, but more importantly they are all genuinely kind, caring, and supportive.
Propeller’s team works hard day-in and day-out for our customers and we are continuing to find ways to make our product better. We’re busy people! But we still value each other and make time to connect in more ways than just our work. Our business is our people. And that has been evident to me throughout my three year tenure.
Sharing my story with my team has helped me with my journey, and in turn, my hope is that it helps to open the door for others to be authentic. I hope to continue adding to the amazing culture Propeller has of being able to be vulnerable and talk about what we’re each going through, which ultimately leads to a change in the stigma around mental health.
