Summer’s Dog Days
My life is the calmest it’s ever been.
Nearly every day starts the same. I wake up, fool around on Twitter for a few minutes, then head to the gym. Shower. Breakfast. Find the podcast for the morning commute and start my half-hour journey.
Once I’m at work there’s another routine. I log into the computer, open the appropriate tabs, find out the stories of the day, and start building out my show. Time passes easily and before I know it, I send my final report and make my way back to the car. Once inside, there’s a choice of either continuing the podcast I didn’t finish from the morning commute or queuing a new one.
Music may accompany me on the trip but, occasionally, silence is welcomed. Thirty uninterrupted minutes of thinking usually makes for an easier transition to sleep once I’m home. The next day, the cycle repeats.
Life is on autopilot, in some cases to the point of boredom. And, I couldn’t be happier.
Over the last few years life’s idea of excitement is throwing one ridiculous situation after another until chain-smoking away the day’s bullshit was the only option. Now, I’m trying to quit because it’s an outdated coping mechanism. On that front, old habits die hard.
I never thought I’d get here.
As a chronic overachiever, I was at my best when there was a goal to attain. Some obstacle to overcome. Something put in front of me which required all of my energy. Not one thing. Multiple things. The days of working several jobs, balancing school, tending to a relationship, while trying to figure out who I am and what place I have in this world, aren’t far behind.
But, they sure feel like it.
In the beginning, the transition was difficult. The stench of struggle was oxygen and I inhaled its scent until the foul smell disappeared. At first, I couldn’t handle my newfound peace. I suspect this isn’t uncommon.
While talking with a friend who’s also doing well, we discussed the idea of not being able to fully enjoy the fruits of our labor. Her and I are similar in that, the entirety our lives were spent in survival mode. Everything we’ve done; school, work, achievements, accolades, were all in service to ensure the way we grew up as kids wasn’t how we lived as adults.
We know how to cope with disappointment, to deal with struggle, to take life’s “below minimum” and carve out an existence. Now, and hopefully for the foreseeable future, this is no longer necessary. Still, she’s having trouble making the adjustment.
I told her our upbringing was part of the problem. Our parents taught us the necessary skills to make it to the promised land…but didn’t teach us what to do when we got there. Honestly, society doesn’t discuss the reality of receiving the full blessing of everything one’s worked so hard for…and what to do next.
The NBA and NFL teach rookie classes how to accept the change that’s coming to their lives after they’ve been drafted. These former “amateur” players who lived a life of restricted access are moving into a reality where everything is there for the taking. This occasionally leads to catastrophic endings.
Or at the very least, a really good ESPN: 30 For 30 documentary.
In any event, I appreciate this streak of boredom. It’s doubtful life will stay that way, so, I’ll ride the waves until the tides turn.
