Why We Should Strive for Balance — Not Happiness
It’s natural to strive for happiness. When we’re happy we feel good. That’s why society is always telling us that we should aim to be constantly happy. It’s why The Happiness Project is so successful, why self-help books are a $10+ billion industry and why you can find a “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” t-shirt in every souvenir shop to ever exist. But to be happy every second of the day doesn’t make sense. It’s unnatural and possibly, damaging.
The Presence of Joy… Or the Absence of Stress?
It’s easy to confuse balance for happiness, but the “happiest” people in the world aren’t people who are happy all the time; they’re people who have well-rounded lives and who experience the full spectrum of emotion on a daily basis. What makes their lives seem better, or happier, isn’t that they experience joy and elation more than they experience other emotions; it’s that they have less stress in their daily lives.
Stress is what deteriorates our mental wellness and stops us from enjoying more pleasant emotions. Stress is what stops us from accessing our full spectrum of feeling and throws us off-balance.
It’s Good to Be Sad, Angry, Upset, Confused, Anxious, etc.
When we think about increasing our wellness and becoming happier people we need to stop thinking about eliminating negative emotions like anger, anxiety and sadness from our lives. These emotions, although painful to experience, are important. These emotions are natural and they serve a purpose. They help guide us to make choices and serve as mental cues that tell us when something isn’t right.
Anxiety tells us when we’re in a situation that could be harmful. Confusion tells us to ask more questions, to search for understanding. Anger and sadness can indicate that something or someone has mistreated us and prompts us to search for resolution.
An Imbalanced Spectrum
People who battle mental illnesses, like depression, experience these negative emotions much more frequently than they do happiness or excitement. Their emotional experience is imbalanced.
There are many types of treatment used to combat mental illnesses, but their purpose isn’t to rid a person of sadness or anxiety completely, it’s to restore the natural balance.
It’s Unhealthy to Aim Solely for Happiness
When you try to avoid any emotion that isn’t joy, you set yourself up to fail. You are inevitably going to experience all kinds of emotions (regardless of your goal), and if you try to stop them, or push them down without giving them the time they need, that negativity is only going to build up and fester. And you will implode.
Not only that, but by shooting for just happiness, anytime you feel anything else — even if it’s completely normal and called for — you’ll feel like you failed, and your stress levels will actually rise, making you even less happy.
Don’t Worry, Be Balanced
Alleviate the pressure you’re putting on yourself by trying to be constantly happy. Allow yourself to feel pain when it’s appropriate, and don’t judge yourself for that pain.
Instead of putting all of your energy into discriminating against your own emotions (which are perfectly natural), focus on incorporating wellness into your life. Minimize the stress, and the rest will fall into place.
