Soul-Searching: Failed

In pursuit of the right way.

Sometime it feels like everyone around me has some kind of talent or skill and they know what to do with. I look at my friends and each one of them is good at something. And I don’t have anything.

I try analyzing myself from day to day. I’m searching for one thing that will make me all excited and focused.

Maybe I read too many success stories of people who somehow made it in this world. Or maybe people only share their achievements and rarely speak of failures. It is important for me to become a valuable part of something, to make a difference so that people could appreciate my work and contribution. That is what everyone does. When you've accomplished something the instant impulse is to share it.

And what about those who still haven’t found their x-factor?

I’m a 22-year-old small town girl, married with no kids. I work as a PR manager in game industry, but I still can’t figure out whether I like it or not. It gives me opportunity to meet new people, to acquire a wide set of skills, learn about games …However, there is a huge ‘but’ coming.

After almost a year of work I didn't make as much progress as I expected. At first I was so annoyingly excited, I kept telling people that I love what I do and I ran on that fuel and self-persuasion for half a year. Then I felt like things started changing. I faced lots of difficulties and I wasn't persistent enough to overcome them and I let it be.

At that point I needed to reconsider my life.

I started paying more attention to the things I enjoy doing. I joined dancing club, but there is no way I could get professional at doing it.

I started reading more articles and book related to my work. They make me better for a while, but there is no way I could do it my whole life.

I started to exhaust myself with self-searching sessions. There isn't a day that goes by without thinking about the future, plans or passions.

And the worst thing is that I still haven’t figured it out. I’m scared that it will never change and I won’t be able to uncover my inspirations or driving force.

I started writing. Hoping this will help me find my way.