From Empty Arms to Full Heart: My Redefinition of Motherhood :)
I want to chat about something close to my heart (and probably yours, too!) — motherhood.
Nope darling, not the traditional kind, but a broader, more inclusive one.
Now, ‘singledom’ and being ‘childless’ are the worst stigmas a girl can go through in life, especially if you find yourself in either one or both of these situations in your 40s and beyond. Oh, the judgement, shaming, guilt-tripping, etc that sets off all your triggers much like that classic scene in Bridget Jones’s diary when she walks into a room full of smug married couples wanting to know why she is still single??!
However, whilst I did end up finding the love of my life late into my 40s (a story I’ll be sharing in another post to give you hope and to never give up on love) — today is about childless women, and redefining the meaning of ‘mother’ and ‘motherhood’ beyond biology.
So as I sit here, sipping my slightly over-brewed tea, I can’t help but ponder over the traditional notions of motherhood. You know, the ones that say you’re not quite complete until you’ve popped out a mini-you into the world! Well then, don’t you think it’s high time we toss out this old script and embrace a new narrative — by seeing motherhood not just as a biological role, but as a broader, more inclusive experience — can I get an AMEN! sister.
Motherhood — it’s a term loaded with expectations . . .
Now, as if raising a child isn’t hard enough, we get bogged down by all these flippin’ societal norms about what motherhood “should’ look like.
I mean in its very rawest form it involves giving birth to a child — which my gosh what an utterly splendid miracle that is! Welcoming a new life is truly life’s sweetest blessing — not that I will get to experience this for myself (not during this lifetime) — not out of choice mind you.
Because not every woman is destined to become a mother. And, once I stopped dwelling and grieving over the fact that I would never get to experience this miracle for myself, I embarked on a journey of self-discovery, turning inwards to unearth a deeper understanding of motherhood beyond just biology and my role in it.
So, for all the childless women like me, whether by choice or not — know that motherhood transcends the physical act of bearing a child. Life, as we know, doesn’t always go as planned, but eventually after the heartache and tears, we have to be okay with its predictable unpredictability. Because, we create our reality with the power of thoughts and beliefs, so it’s not the events themselves, but our reactions to them, that define our experiences.
Motherhood isn’t just about the nappies, pureed food and the school runs, is it?
Motherhood, in a broader holistic sense, is about nurturing — whether it’s a child, a community, a dream, or a garden. It’s holding the space for growth and wonder, mixed with the occasional ‘Why did I walk into this room again?’ moments. It’s about guiding, caring, and sometimes just holding things together with a smile, and a cup of tea (or a glass of wine!).
It’s being the heart and soul of whatever you touch — spreading love wherever you go. It’s about embracing the role of a nurturer, a mentor, a guardian in the lives of the people you love and hang out with a plant you lovingly tend to, or a project you pour your heart into.
Look back into your life darling, and you will find plenty of examples of how you have mothered projects, ideas, pets, your friends’ kids, or even your plants. (Yes, plant mums count!)”
So, biological, schmological! Because biology alone does not make a mother. Nurturing does!
But how can we find our true calling as spiritual, purpose-driven women despite such unfortunate childless circumstances?
I hear you darling . . . because within each of us is a deep well of overflowing love, wisdom, and life experience that needs an outlet to overcome this childless void. Because this void, has us questioning our value and contribution in the world if we are not mothers in the traditional sense. So there is this strong need to find meaning, purpose, and value in life san children.
So, I’d be lying if I told you that gone are the days where I no longer find myself questioning would my life be completely different if I were a mother? There’s always gonna be a part of me that will scream ‘Yes, of course! Because mothers carry a special light within that awakens their highest purpose.’
But the other part of me gently whispers, ‘Motherhood does not solely define you, darling. There are many ways to give birth to life.’ Indeed with some guided insight (and perhaps a few more glasses of wine!), I can let my radiant nurturing spirit shine in new, equally beautiful expressions.
So here are a few alternative paths to motherhood aka nurturing that I hope will help give you some food for thought:
- Redefine yourselves on your terms, not by what the world expects you to be.
- Creative nurturing — seek out what ignites your soul — express your nurturing side through art, writing, cooking delights for others, etc
- Nurturing & mentoring the next generation — nieces/nephews, godchildren, youth in the community
- Building Communities — nurturing causes and passions you feel deeply about because motherhood is about creating bonds, not just bearing children.
- Embracing Self-Love: Sometimes, the one who needs mothering the most is you — so prioritize self-care and well-being; feed the spirit through meditation, journaling, and long baths with a glass of wine!; saying no to the inner critic and negative thoughts (go on, get lost!!!)
To Wrap Things Up
For the tribe of childless women like me — I hope this post has got you thinking differently about motherhood and more importantly about you.
I know some days are hard, especially when all around we have the joys of parenting blah! shoved in our childless faces. And it’s not that we don’t share in that joy — I wholeheartedly love a new baby story and love all the tiny tots of my family and friends. But sometimes the sting of not having your own precious baby story to share creeps up on you, and it’s just the wrong day to partake in the parenting joys of the world — if you know what I mean!!
Just be gentle with yourself, and know that your value in this world isn’t dictated by your maternal status. Your power lies in the inward journey of self-realization. Wherein you find your true self — not as society defines, but as you define, in your most authentic, loving, and wise form. This is the essence of true empowerment.
Remember that ‘motherhood is not just about what you bear; it’s about what you bear witness to, what you nurture, and how you love. So embrace your journeys, with all their quirks and unexpected turns. You are enough, just as you are darling, because your version of motherhood is valid, beautiful, and oh-so-needed in this world.
Keep fighting the good fight! And cheers to all you brave mothers — of children, of communities, of visions for a better future. Grab the wine glass in one hand, the divine child in the other, and mother onward!
And that’s it for today.
Thanks for reading :) and I hope you found some value in it.
If this post resonated with you, I’d be over the moon to hear your thoughts. Share your own stories, insights, or even just a word of encouragement in the comments below . . .
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