I, for one, welcome our new peroxide-blonde overlord
Charlamagne tha God and Trevor Noah “cape” for Tomi Lahren
Internets,
People are upset with Trevor Noah because after he “eviscerated” Tomi Lahren on the Daily Show he was spotted out with her having drinks, and later it was revealed on Lahren’s Instagram that he sent her some cupcakes.
Did it not occur to them that maybe he was trying to get some stank on his hanglow?
It might violate certain FCC rules to say this in an email, but I’m gonna go ahead and say it anyway: If you took a girl out for drinks in expensive-ass New York and then bought her a cupcake that probably cost $9, she should be required to explain, in writing, why you can’t hit that.
Acceptance of the cupcake alone doesn’t constitute consent, but it does indicate a certain interest. Would you allow your girlfriend to go out for drinks with Trevor Noah and then accept a cupcake in the mail? I rest my case.
With Donald Trump, of all people, set to take office in a mere matter of weeks, I feel like we’ve got a pretty good chance of having this signed into law, or maybe even amending the Constitution. It’s at least not as ridiculous as requiring abortion survivors to hold an NAACP-style mock funeral.
While she was in New York, Lahren met up with Charlamagne tha God for a totally staged photo-shoot not far from where bum rappers put a shoe on Charlamagne in one of the all-time great World Star videos.
You can tell it was fake because this was the only time Lahren ever looked cute. Before, I only found her to be attractive in the way that any height-weight proportional (HWP) white woman under the age of 25 is attractive, which is to say very. Her skin seemed kinda sun-damaged, and her hair was right out of one of those issues of Mini Truckin’ I’d flip through when my mom took me to 7–11 to get a hot dog covered in layers of nacho cheese and chili for my dinner, back in the late ’80s. Not to date myself.
Laren was supposed to appear on the Breakfast Club, but she backed out of it, afraid of what Charlamagne et al. might say to her. Lest we forget, it was Angela Yee, not Charlamagne, who made Lil Mama cry. According to the wiki, Lahren attended the University of Nevada at Los Vegas (Suge Knight’s alma mater), where she studied broadcast journalism. What else was she doing out there? Who taught her to dye her hair like that?
Her meeting with Charlamagne may have been a matter of him trying to convince her that he’d handle her with kid-gloves the way he did Lena Dunham and Hillary Clinton, not the way he did [insert the name of almost any black person]. If and when he does, it’ll be sad to see, if not surprising.
I’m not bothered, though, by the idea that this might provide a signal boost for Lahren. I’m not concerned about the size of her profile, only the size of her cans. I could care less about Charlamagne giving a woke black or Hispanic girl a similar opportunity, because I question the efficacy of bitching and moaning about the outrage du jour on social media. Such complaints have yet to prevent the police from popping a cap in an unarmed black man’s ass, nor could they prevent Trump from winning the election.
The real value of building a so-called platform on social media is to create opportunities to covertly shill for brands, like Deray, and to fill diversity positions at sites like MTV News and Buzzfeed, and I suspect that much of the consternation about Lahren is based in self-interest, as well as a general pathological aversion to seeing a black man and a white women together in public.
Admittedly, I was also kinda jealous.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol
Originally published at tinyletter.com.
