Kanye’s irrelevant endorsement scandalizes otherwise non-discerning youth
These kids are in for a rude awakening
Internets,
I’m more confident than ever in the prospect of Kanye West not just running for president in 2020, but actually winning, as a result of his remarks at a show in San Jose last night.
In one of his patented emotional, interstitial rants, Kanye said that he didn’t vote in the election, but if he had he would have voted for Donald Trump. He said that the media is not to be trusted, which is true, and that Trump won the debates, which is also true. However, just because he would have voted for Trump, he said, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t believe that Black Lives Matter, that women should have rights (hmm…) and that gay people should be allowed to get married.
He also said he hopes Donald Trump really does build a wall to keep Mexican people out. His rant was greeted by a chorus of boos, but at the very least, he won’t have Hispanics being upset with him, since a surprising number of them voted for Trump, and many of them won’t be around four years from now anyway.
Kanye said his handlers, including Justin Bieb(l)er’s manager Scooter Braun (a known member of the Illuminati), warned him, before the election, about announcing his support for Trump. He must have since been emboldened by Trump actually winning.
If this election taught us anything, it’s that advisers don’t know what TF they’re talking about. They’re just there to deduct money from your check for shit you don’t really need. If you ever feel the need to say something inappropriate, you should just go ahead and say it. No one really gives a shit except people who work in media, and Trump is about to drain the swamp anyway.
An article on Complex, which appears to have been bowdlerized since I first saw it this morning, so as to avoid offending Kanye, says it isn’t clear why Kanye chose not to vote in this year’s election. Arguably, Kanye shouldn’t be allowed to vote anyway, because he was caught stealing inkjet printers from an OfficeMax back in 2000. He was forced to reveal that he’d once been convicted of a felony in a deposition for a lawsuit filed by a photographer he tried to beat up in LAX.
Generally speaking, I don’t believe that people shouldn’t be allowed to vote just because they’ve been convicted of a felony. If people in prison were allowed to vote, it could help flip some of these red states, like my native Missouri. Turnout would be strong, because prisoners don’t have shit else better to do than work out and rub one out, which is also a sort of workout–it helps reduce cortisol levels, which is why I’m always so calm even though the world is coming to an end.
Prisoners are already at their polling place, so transportation wouldn’t be an issue. It wouldn’t be necessary for the DNC to send limos to poverty-stricken areas or hand out packs of Newports like they did in the ’00 election, which they still lost. (Turns out, the key may have been to offer people free cell phones.)
But I do kinda have a problem with the idea of people who steal inkjet printers from OfficeMax being allowed to vote, both because people who steal, perhaps needless to say, are not to be trusted, and because I question the judgment of someone who would commit that crime in particular; it sounds like something a crackhead might do. Did Kanye used to be on crack back before he could afford expensive cocaine that comes in jars? If so, that would explain why those gangbangers put a shoe on him.
Fortunately, there’s no law stating that someone who used to be on crack can’t run for president. In fact, I don’t know that there’s anything you could do that would preclude you from being able to run. If Marion Barry (who was actually a good mayor) had lived long enough, he could have thrown his hat in the ring for what’s already shaping up to be an epic pool of candidates in 2020. Bill Clinton isn’t even allowed to practice law in Arkansas, settling paternity suits between siblings and what have you, and he served two terms. He probably could have won again in 2000, if it weren’t for term limits.
Kim Kardashian wouldn’t even be the first filthy hoo-er to serve as first lady.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol
Originally published at tinyletter.com.
