No more fingers in the culo
Internets,
Thanks to an ill-fated attempt to promote his new album Waves, we now know that Kanye used to allow Amber Rose to stick at least one finger in his ass.
If the emoji she used in the bombshell tweet is any indication, I’m assuming that it was just one finger, the index finger. But arguably, the index finger is the equivalent of two smaller fingers.
It suggests to me that he may have started with a pinkie, but like a guy who spent years effing other guys in the a in prison, it got to the point where the smaller finger just wasn’t stimulating enough.
Nullus on this entire newsletter, by the way. As Richard Vernon would say, these are highly sensitive areas. Let’s try to be adults about this.
Amber Rose has plenty of experience getting people off using her fingers, because she doesn’t even fuxwit men, really. Back when she was a lowly stripper in her native Philadelphia, she used to eat the box. After she got with Kanye, in the late ’00s, pics emerged of the girl (if you will) she was with back then.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s also donned a strap-on and played the man in the relationship, so to speak. Though I doubt she did anything like that with Kanye. I certainly hope she didn’t. Letting a girl stick her finger in your ass is one thing. Letting a girl eff you in the a with a dildo is another thing entirely.
I’m not saying either one is acceptable (to me personally — but hey, to each his own!), but you could almost see how a guy could let a girl talk him into letting her stick a finger in his ass. It’s your a-hole, which is a huge no-no, but it’s a girl’s finger, which is smaller than a guy’s finger and probably has lotion on it. And she promises she won’t tell anyone…
Not to suggest that girls aren’t to be trusted, on the basis that you shouldn’t trust anything that bleeds for a week and doesn’t die, which is an ancient rule of thumb from the time when you could hit a girl with a stick provided it wasn’t bigger around than your thumb, and hence needs to be done away with, but that’s a lot of trust to put in anyone.
I wouldn’t even tell my lawyer about some shit like that.
You never know what might go wrong with a relationship. There was a time when men and women had to stick together, because a woman couldn’t afford to support herself doing the dishes, and because you were allowed to hit a woman with the aforementioned stick. Those days are long gone. Most marriages now end in divorce, and most people don’t get married in the first place.
There’s more single people (er, not-married people) than there are married people, leading me to wonder what would lead married people to lead such a gross, deviant lifestyle. Having sex with the same person for 50 years straight? Eww! Married is the new gay.
But I digress.
You always want to be cognizant of what a girl might be able to reveal about you when the two of you go your separate ways (c) Journey. Certain things you might not want to share with her, especially if she used to be a sex worker. Businesses that employ tweakers change the combination to the safe every time someone gets fired. Trust me, I’m from the Midwest.
Kanye could have just as easily let that shit Wiz Khalifa said slide, but he feels desperate. He’s been referring to Waves as the greatest album of all time, and the “album of the life,” and you know the old saying, “If you have to say it, that means it’s probably not true.
When he launched into that multi-tweet diatribe, he wasn’t thinking strategically. It hadn’t occurred to him that Wiz used to date — and went half on a baby with — Amber Rose, who must know all kinds of things about him. If she didn’t share this information with Wiz before he stepped out on her to bang two chicks at the same time, it’s not like she can’t just chime in at any moment.
If there’s any consolation, it’s that he’s been trending on Twitter on and off since this news hit the other day. Before this information came to light Waves seemed to lack buzz, at least for a Kanye album. He needed all the attention he could get, and if you don’t care where that attention comes from, this is definitely one way to get it. It’s his own personal Kim K Superstar, in that sense.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol
Originally published at tinyletter.com.
