Of course Halle Berry rode Space Mountain

Color me not surprised

This can’t be a movie soon enough (Source: Super Luchas)


We know that Halle Berry likes both CACs and athletes. It follows, then, that she would have sex with Ric Flair.

Flair alleges that he had sex with Halle Berry back in the mid ’90s, shortly after she left David Justice, who was a baseball player with the Atlanta Braves.

Justice is black, but waffle-colored, like DJ Envy, and looks like he might support stop-and-frisk. He was Halle Berry’s first husband, back in the early to mid ‘90s.

For those of you who might be too young to remember this, it was alleged, back before there was such a thing as the Internets (er, at least Black People Twitter), that Justice slapped the shit out of Halle Berry causing her to go deaf in one ear.

Ric Flair claims that this is when he got with her. Specifically, he said, on his radio show (which is a thing that exists), that she rode Space Mountain, which is his pet name for his peen. Nullus. Apparently, he discusses Space Mountain often enough that this required no explanation.

Reached for comment, Halle Berry said that not only did she not ride Space Mountain, but she has no idea who Ric Flair is and she’s deeply upset by this allegation.

The fact that she’s trying to front like she never heard of the Nature Boy suggests to me that she’s lying. Didn’t they used to tape a lot of that pro wrestling down in Atlanta? I feel like that’s where the Superstation is from.

After her ride on Space Mountain, she got with R&B singer Eric Benét. They were together for a minute, and apparently he was unfaithful the entire time, probably scoring with a lot of middle-aged black women who look like Jill Scott.

When they got divorced, and Benét promptly checked into rehab for sex addiction, many remarked that something had to have been wrong with him for him to want to step out on Halle Berry, but it’s not uncommon for guys who are married to especially attractive women to cheat on them with any warm, moist opening.

At that point, Halle Berry seemed to swear off black men permanently. She’s since been married to and divorced from two CACs. At least one of them she has to pay child support to, to the tune of 10s of thousands of dollars a month — which is what she gets, as far as I’m concerned. (I was available at the time.)

In retrospect, her ride on Space Mountain may have been a foreshadowing of her defection, so to speak (I’m assuming that’s a word), into the loving arms of Dwight Mann. The Nature Boy, ironically, may have planted a seed that ultimately ended up costing her hundreds of thousands of dollars a year.

Did he shout woo while he was up in it?

Take it easy on yourself,


Originally published at tinyletter.com.