Snoop Dogg joins Teen Vogue and Rogue POTUS Staff in leading the resistance
Melania could end up working for Lil Bow Wow
Internets,
Snoop Dogg got high on marijuana and let some CACs talk him into filming a video in which he pretends to shoot President Trump, and as a result he might get shipped off to Gitmo–or worse.
This is why, if you’re going to smoke weed at all, which you shouldn’t, I recommend doing so at night, after you’ve got all your work done.
The video is for a song called “Lavender” by a group called, appropriately enough, BADBADNOTGOOD. Based on the title alone, I’m thinking they probably wanted Drake for this song, but they couldn’t afford his fee.
Snoop Dogg, meanwhile, will do anything for money. He’s got a habit to support. I’ve seen a few episodes of his YouTube show, which is like a hip-hop Larry King Live for brothers of a certain age. He keeps all of the various products he shills for on his desk, including vape pens, house shoes, malt liquor and Snoop Lion merch they couldn’t get rid of.
In the video for “Lavender”, which I’ll admit I haven’t seen (we don’t get unlimited data in a shanty town), Snoop Dogg points a gun at the head of a clown that’s intended to represent President Trump. He pulls the trigger, and out pops a red flag that says bang.
The video must have been widely reported on by the media outlets the president gets his news from, including Fox and Friends, Infowars and the Twitter accounts of random anime nazis, because he felt compelled to issue a response. If it had been part of his daily security briefing, which he’s opted not to receive, he’d have no idea it exists.
On Twitter, Trump claimed that if Snoop Dogg had done the exact same thing to Obama, he’d be in jail, which is classic hoodrat logic, the kind of thing you’d expect Al Sharpton to say.
(Where is the reverend, anyway? I haven’t heard so much as a peep from him since Trump took office. You’d think he’d be all over the place. Maybe Trump used to buy coke from him back when he was an FBI informant.)
Snoop, who was apparently caught off guard by this controversy, has yet to issue much of a response. In a rambling, incoherent statement to Billboard, he said he tries to make songs that fill a void, and he felt there weren’t enough artists speaking on real issues. Later, in an Instagram video, he announced that he didn’t have anything else to say on the topic, like maybe he’d been instructed to keep his mouth shut.
He definitely does have cause to be concerned. With the number of BS products he shills for, his tax returns must be a mess. If I were him, I’d try to get that shit in order ASAP, before he ends up like Wesley Snipes. He can pretty much count on being audited for at least the next four years, if not indefinitely.
The Trump administration is already going after legal weed. I saw Jeff Sessions on TV the other day talking about how kids should just say no, as if this were a Very Special Episode of Diff’rent Strokes. I don’t know if Snoop has any money in dispensaries or growth operations, but he’s got that vape pen, and that’s probably already enough. Lest we forget, Tommy Chong did time for selling pipes.
Snoop’s VH1 series with Martha Stewart could also be in jeopardy. She already did time back in the day, for receiving a hot stock tip. She can’t afford to do another bid, at this age. She was already old back in the ’90s, when she was kicking it in the Hamptons with Puff Daddy, which makes me wonder just how old she is.
Similarly, you gotta wonder what T.I. was thinking wading into this mess. He’s been locked up enough times that he could fuck around and get 25 to life for jaywalking, on some three-strikes-you’re-out shit. The last thing he needs to be doing is threatening the president via Instagram, where he called Trump, and I quote, a “Tangerine Tanned Muskrat scrotum skin, Lacefront Possum fur Wig wearing, Alternative fact,Atomic Dog diarrhea face ass man!!!!”
Crazy though it might sound, he’d be better off shit-talking Floyd Mayweather.
And then there was Lil Bow Wow, who threatened to pimp out Melania if Trump didn’t stop talking shit about his uncle.
“Ayo @realDonaldTrump,” he wrote, “shut your punk ass up talking shit about my uncle @SnoopDogg before we pimp your wife and make her work for us.”
Which is hilarious for a number of reasons, including the following:
1) The idea of Lil Bow Wow, who’s 5'4, and Snoop Dogg, who’s 6'4, teaming up to pimp the same woman (how is this not already a movie?)
2) The idea of a grown man threatening another grown man for talking shit about his “play uncle,” which could be peak Black People Twitter
3) The fact that Melania really is a Russian mail-order bride, with noodz circulating on the Internets, who may or may not have arrived in a shipping container on the Baltimore docks
4) The fact that I’m sure Donald Trump could give a rat’s ass about someone threatening to pimp out his wife (game recognize game)
5) The cognitive dissonance white feminists will suffer trying to decide whether to cape for Donald Trump’s wife or allow Lil Bow Wow to threaten someone with “human trafficking”
Meanwhile, BADBADNOTGOOD has managed to completely escape scrutiny. I’ve yet to hear about the president threatening to add them to his travel ban along with people from Iraq, Syria, etc., this despite the fact that they’re from Canada. (Banning musical exports from Toronto would kill several birds with one stone.) Is it because they’re white?
They’re the Justin Timberlake to Snoop Dogg’s Janet Jackson, in that regard, playing with the black, wrinkled cans, so to speak, but refusing to stand in solidarity with them when the FCC gets involved.
I’d suggest that the black community stop fuxxing with BADBADNOTGOOD, but the fact of the matter is that no one in the black community knows who BADBADNOTGOOD is, including Snoop Dogg. We don’t even know for a fact that it’s a group and not just one guy playing all the instruments, like Nine Inch Nails (which we don’t know either).
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol
Originally published at tinyletter.com.
