We have nothing to fear but bomb-wielding robots

Shit just got real

Internets,

The sniper attack last night in Dallas, in which five cops were killed and another six cops were injured, was a truly impressive feat . . . in the most value neutral sense of the term impressive.

I’m officially against shooting the police, mind you, both because it’s wrong to shoot people, and perhaps more importantly, because I don’t need any cops reading this and thinking I’m out here celebrating their demise.

The warehouse where I work is only a hop, skip and a jump from where that Ferguson shit popped off, which means that day in and day out I have to run a gauntlet of cops whose job it is to raise money for the local government by handing out tickets for BS traffic violations.

I’m just saying. You don’t always expect black people to pull off a crime as well coordinated and as downright effective as last night’s attack.

Even if we’d thought to pull a JFK-style sniper attack on 5–0 at a Black Lives Matter protest (a mere matter of blocks from Dealey Plaza, no less), how many of us could have made those shots? Some of us have a hard enough time popping a cap in a guy’s ass from across the street. No Mister Cee.

Typically, ambush-style attacks on police perpetrated by black people take the form of a random guy running up on a cop while he’s parked in his cruiser on a side street, having a donut. There was one like that not far from where I live, a while back.

And then of course there was the attack on two NYPD officers by that guy Ismaiyl Brinsley, who famously threatened “to put wings on pigs.” If he’d decided to strike in Manhattan, he never would have gotten that far, with the level of the surveillance state. Alas, they don’t seem to be as concerned with monitoring the goings on in some of the more remote parts of the city.

I’d suggest that cops roll their windows up, if they’re gonna sit there prone like that, but they probably fart a lot. Not only do they not want to sit there and wallow in their own fart smell, but they’d rather not bring those cars back to the dispatch smelling like some unholy combination of poo and lavender. They might get chewed out by a supervisor, like in old TV cop shows.

My first thought, maybe because I watch a lot of Alex Jones, was that this was white supremacists trying to frame Black Lives Matter, to make it seem as if protestors were shooting at the police, in an attempt to get the police to retaliate against the protestors.

In fact, there’s still a lot of evidence to suggest that this was an inside job, including the following:

1) The fact that a Google search for the name of the one suspect who was killed, at the time when it was announced Friday morning, turned up literally zero results, almost as if he didn’t really exists.

2) The fact that one of the few pictures of him that seem to exist is of him in a sweaty, post-podcast grip n’ grin (the most dreaded pose in all of social media), with Professor Griff, like maybe they’re trying to implicate Griff in this. You know the TIs have had it out for him since 1989.

3) The fact that some media outlets are referring to the perp as Micah X. Johnson (or even just Micah X–which, if you notice, sounds like Malcolm X), like maybe they’re trying to rope the Nation of Islam into this. I heard Farrakhan was trying to talk black people into not paying their taxes (which we shouldn’t have to anyway), on some Wesley Snipes shit.

4) The fact that the guy was killed by a robot that planted a bomb near him. How do they even know it was him, since he was probably blown into 134 pieces? I’m reminded of bin Laden’s burial at sea, which supposedly isn’t even a thing in Islam.

5) The fact that 5–0 even has a robot that can be used to plant bombs near people. How many of these robots do they have, and how long have they had them? And what all can they do? Don’t let me find out Johnny 5 is in on this.

Who’s Johnny, she said, because she was a millennial who didn’t know from pop culture?

I suppose, at least theoretically, it could have been a group of young white people sympathetic with the plight of black people. This would have been especially ideal, because they probably would have gotten away with it, depending on how young and cute they were.

In the ’60s, the Weather Underground, the domestic terrorist group that Bill Ayers–the guy who ghostwrote Barack Obama’s Dreams from My Father–was a member of, blew up all kinds of shit. They didn’t kill anyone, unless you count the cop they killed before they officially formed, which, fuck that guy (lol jk).

After a few of them accidentally blew themselves up, probably trying to build a bomb while high on marijuana, they went into hiding (albeit just barely) for like 10 years. Then, when they finally turned themselves in, 5–0 was like, “Uh, never mind.”

Let that have been some black people…

But I digress.

Regardless of who did this shit, and why, I think we can agree that this is some next level activism. This is precisely what they were hoping (and probably knew) wouldn’t happen back when people began to stand out in the middle of the street and engage in virtue signaling on Twitter, in exchange for that George Soros $$$.

This is such an unfortunate development that you could almost see the police trying to come up with ways to avoid killing random black people for no apparent reason, if that were at all possible. Instead they’re probably ordering more of those robots.

Take it easy on yourself,

Bol