Well, that escalated quickly
Birdman vs. Power 105.1’s The Breakfast Club
Internets,
Birdman was in an emotional state this morning because Prince died yesterday, and as I’m sure an excellent think piece in Pitchfork’s the Pitch will eventually point out, if it hasn’t already, the Purple One’s death was especially tragic for guys who kiss other guys on the mouth.
In addition to his many musical innovations, Prince made it not just safe, but fashionable for guys to wear eye makeup, high-heel shoes and buttless chaps, thus paving the way for today’s rap music. If it weren’t for Prince, there’d be no Young Thug (but don’t hold that against him).
I don’t know that Birdman had anything to promote this morning, but what difference did it make? The Breakfast Club will interview anyone, including black celebrities so obscure as to not be able to get invited to the BET Awards. People who couldn’t become a trending topic on Black People Twitter at 3 AM on a weekday.
Their archive, on YouTube, is a veritable treasure trove. I try to avoid consuming entertainment products that involve people being interviewed, because as 2016 has taught us, you never know how long you have left, and you don’t want to waste a single moment, but I watched videos of the interviews with Damon Wayans and “Calypso” Louis Farrakhan, probably to write about them in these dumbass emails, and I recommend them both highly, especially the Damon Wayans.
Whatever the interview’s stated purpose, it turns out Birdman was only interested in putting Charlamagne tha God on notice. Really, his message was directed to all “tree” members of Power 105’s the Breakfast Club, but he seemed most upset with Charlamagne tha God. He said he knows several places where Charlamagne has been, but he didn’t pull up, because that’s gangsta. Er, I think that’s what he said. I have a hard time understanding southerners, and I don’t have the time on my lunch break at the warehouse to watch the video five times in a row.
I suspect that DJ Envy and Angela Yee are at minimal risk of getting beat up by those teenage heroin addicts Birdman brought with him as backup, regardless of whether or not they put some respek on his name. Envy is a cornball brother with a history of calling the police on people. He reminds me of the four black guys I went to high school with. He probably already has a statement saved as a draft in Gmail, just in case; he seems very on top of things. Angela Yee is tiny and disarmingly cute in the way that a child is (but only marginally attractive). If you were to get highly upset with her, which seems like a distinct possibility, you’d have to take it out on some other woman.
If I were Charlamagne tha God, I’d seriously consider investing in security, maybe call DJ Vlad and see about getting a referral. Vlad might get some sort of kickback that he can add to the $300,000 he got from Rawse for getting beat up at the Ozone Awards. Birdman himself can’t very well run up on Charlamagne, now that he’s threatened the radio personality in a widely circulated video. That would be entirely too easy for 5–0 to put together. Same thing goes for those kids. But I’m sure he could have another one sent over from the same group home. Charlamagne seems to have no intention of putting respek on Birdman’s name.
Also, if Birdman decides to watch his own video, to marvel at how badass he seemed, he’ll notice they had him sitting in front of a gay pinup calendar, a fisting diagram and a rainbow pride flag.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol
Originally published at tinyletter.com.
