Why I wasn’t at the Women’s March on Washington
Well, aside from it involving exercise
Internets,
If my TL on Twitter, and other garbage media I’ve consumed in the interim, is any indication, I might be the only person in the world who isn’t filled with hope as a result of this past weekend’s Million Vagina March, but that’s alright. Just because you’re the only one who believes something doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
I couldn’t make it to the march myself, because I was too busy copping a new Maserati, but I caught a few highlights on TV and on the Internets, including an adorable Asian child with a sign that read, I fuxwit naps, but I stay woke, or something to that effect, and another child, who was apparently allowed to create his own sign. His sign didn’t consist of anything other than illegible crayon markings, which is what American students’ writing will look like once Betsy DeVos is done with them–and not just black kids either.
Lost in the reports that I saw on the march is the fact that it didn’t really have shit to do with protesting Donald Trump. The mainstream media–which is Fake News–would have you believe that upwards of a million women sat and watched the inauguration on Friday and got so upset that they decided to haul ass to DC and march on the same grounds the next day, but in fact this had been in the works for some time. The girls who planned it thought Hillary would win, and the purpose of the march was just to rub her victory in people’s faces. Essentially, this was the alt-center equivalent of the Deploraball.
In that sense, it’s hardly any wonder that the attendees’ primary concern, of all the things that could possibly go wrong during a Trump presidency, is a woman’s right to choose. Not the 36,000 people who will die this year alone when Obamacare is repealed. Not the thousands of teenage girls who will be stuck at the mall when the data-plan on the Obama Phone is canceled. (Perhaps they’d like a ride in my Maserati.) Not the child gangbangers in Chicago who are about to get rounded up and placed in FEMA camps, per Rex 84, as predicted in my latest longform piece, “Operation: Doomsday.” (I see they already got Chief Keef.) No, a woman’s right to choose.
Not that I’m against a woman’s right to choose, mind you. I’m not just pro-choice; I’m pro-abortion! My Internets handle, Bol Guevara, MD, stems, in part, from a joke I once made at Kmart about a woman’s right to choose. But I feel like there’s more important things we can be concerning ourselves with. If, god forbid, Trump stacks the Supreme Court with people he found at one of those fake clinics where they give poor Hispanic women $100–i.e. $42,000 in pesos–not to have an abortion, we can always just act responsibly (excepting victims of nonconsensual lovemaking, granted).
Anyway, Trump could give a rat’s ass about whether or not a woman wants his hand on her vagine. He already told us that in that Access Hollywood tape. If he wants to pass a law outlawing abortion, he’ll just do it. He’s got Republican majorities in the House and Senate, a majority of governors and he’s about to have the Supreme Court. And unlike Obama, who had similar juice his first two years in office and only ever used it to provide a huge subsidy to the insurance industry, he’s out here making good on his campaign promises. Trump hasn’t been president for a week, and already he’s getting rid of Obamacare and the TPP, putting up a fence and bringing back the DAPL.
Meanwhile, I’ve only changed pants twice during that span–and I work full-time now.
Take it easy on yourself,
Bol
Originally published at tinyletter.com.
